Trump lawyer considering 'loss leader" to build practice; did not graduate from Trump U Law School

Satire from Ted Block

AROUND THE BLOCK

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Michael Cohen’s practice set to boom

Offer to pay settlements for clients attracting new business

There is an unintended consequence of Trump personal attorney Michael Cohen’s hush money payment of $130,000 out of his personal funds to porn star Stormy Daniels: New business inquiries are booming as his office is being inundated with calls, emails and texts from potential new clients who want to take advantage of his largesse.

Cohen, who says he got the money to pay Daniels from a home equity line of credit, is apparently considering expanding his practice by offering to personally pay up to $150,000 in settlements he negotiates for clients. According to a lawyer with knowledge of Cohen’s business model, he is making the offer to new clients only.

“Although Michael has done some things that might have people question his legal skills, he’s not that dumb to just give his money away. The offer is there, but there’s a catch – it’s only for new clients who generate fees or retainers exceeding $250,000,” said the lawyer. “He’s using it as a loss leader, like a manufacturer uses coupons. Let’s see how it works…he might be on to something that other firms will copy.”

On another note, after a thorough investigation we officially put to rest the fake news circulating around the Twittersphere that Cohen received his law degree from the Trump University School of Law. That is patently untrue. His actual degree comes from the Thomas M. Cooley Law School, currently the Western Michigan University Cooley Law School, considered by one source as one of the 10 least selective law schools in the country (85.6% acceptance rate). Who'd have thunk.