Satire from Ted Block
AROUND THE BLOCK
News
with a Twist
Reports: McMaster to be
replaced as national security advisor – too rigid and boring
Replacements? John Bolton might have 'mustache problem'; Gen'l Kellogg "is fun"
The Washington Post reported today that President Trump has
decided to remove H.R. McMaster as his national security adviser and is
actively discussing potential replacements, according to five people with
knowledge of the plans.
Trump recently told White
House Chief of Staff John F. Kelly that he wants McMaster out according to two
people familiar with their conversations. The president has complained
that McMaster is too rigid and that his briefings go on too long.
Among the candidates emerging as possible McMaster replacements are John Bolton, a former U.S.
ambassador to the United Nations, and Keith Kellogg, the chief of staff of the
National Security Council.
Keith Kellogg
Of the two, sources tell
Around the Block that Kellogg, who travels on many domestic trips with the
president, is currently the favorite because the president likes his company
and thinks he is fun.
“I like Keith, he makes
me laugh which is what I need for a national security advisor. That McMaster,
what a bore. And boy, he just talks and talks…I just tune him out. Keith would
be so much more fun,” Trump confided to one of his friends a Mar-a-Lago last
week.
One potential factor going against Kellogg is that he was a 3-star general and, sources tell us, "Trump never got over the fact that McMaster was only a 3-star general and he really likes to deal only with 4-star generals. Maybe Keith's fun factor will be enough to overcome his low rank."
Bolton, a former UN
ambassador has met with Trump several times and often agrees with the
president’s instincts. He also is good on television and regularly praises the
president on Fox News Channel. But in the president’s eyes, despite his
experience and his sycophantism, Bolton has one major liability: his mustache.
“I hate that mustache,”
Trump told the friend. “Every time I look at him on TV I think I’m watching
Wilfred Brimley pitch oatmeal and diabetes. I hate oatmeal and he can’t even
pronounce diabetes. Diabetis…I mean what’s that?”
But while the mustache is a ‘sensitive subject,’ sources indicate that Bolton is still in the running and if he were picked, Trump would not require him to shave his mustache as long as he never utters the words oatmeal or diabetis.
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