Security advisor choice -- guy with mustache or guy who's fun?

Satire from Ted Block

AROUND THE BLOCK

News with a Twist

Reports: McMaster to be replaced as national security advisor – too rigid and boring

Replacements? John Bolton might have 'mustache problem'; Gen'l Kellogg "is fun" 
 

The Washington Post reported today that President Trump has decided to remove H.R. McMaster as his national security adviser and is actively discussing potential replacements, according to five people with knowledge of the plans. 

Trump recently told White House Chief of Staff John F. Kelly that he wants McMaster out according to two people familiar with their conversations. The president has complained that McMaster is too rigid and that his briefings go on too long.

Among the candidates emerging as possible McMaster replacements are John Bolton, a former U.S. ambassador to the United Nations, and Keith Kellogg, the chief of staff of the National Security Council.

John Bolton

Keith Kellogg

Of the two, sources tell Around the Block that Kellogg, who travels on many domestic trips with the president, is currently the favorite because the president likes his company and thinks he is fun. 

“I like Keith, he makes me laugh which is what I need for a national security advisor. That McMaster, what a bore. And boy, he just talks and talks…I just tune him out. Keith would be so much more fun,” Trump confided to one of his friends a Mar-a-Lago last week.

One potential factor going against Kellogg is that he was a 3-star general and, sources tell us, "Trump never got over the fact that McMaster was only a 3-star general and he really likes to deal only with 4-star generals. Maybe Keith's fun factor will be enough to overcome his low rank."  

Bolton, a former UN ambassador has met with Trump several times and often agrees with the president’s instincts. He also is good on television and regularly praises the president on Fox News Channel. But in the president’s eyes, despite his experience and his sycophantism, Bolton has one major liability: his mustache.

“I hate that mustache,” Trump told the friend. “Every time I look at him on TV I think I’m watching Wilfred Brimley pitch oatmeal and diabetes. I hate oatmeal and he can’t even pronounce diabetes. Diabetis…I mean what’s that?”

Wilfred Brimley

But while the mustache is a ‘sensitive subject,’ sources indicate that Bolton is still in the running and if he were picked, Trump would not require him to shave his mustache as long as he never utters the words oatmeal or diabetis.