Trump hires the best people – we have the top-10 list!

Satire from Ted Block

AROUND THE BLOCK

News with a Twist

Former Trump aide Nunberg speaks out in bizarre TV appearances

But, is he one of Trump’s ‘best people’ hires?

Following his appearances Monday on two shows on MSNBC, three on CNN and one on NY1, former Trump campaign aide Sam Nunberg reportedly said he’ll seek treatment after speculation swirled that he was drunk during a series of bizarre, troubling and headline-making television interviews.

Nunberg, an attorney and one of Trump’s earliest political advisers, also reportedly said he’ll now fully cooperate with special counsel Robert Mueller’s Russia investigation after initially vowing to refuse a subpoena from Mueller to appear before a grand jury this week. “I’m not cooperating,” Nunberg told CNN’s Gloria Borger in one interview Monday. “You want to arrest me? Arrest me.”

The former aide also dropped a bombshell that Trump “might have done something” during the presidential election.

The White House response to that allegation came quickly.

Press secretary Sarah Huckabee “Colonel” Sanders said that Nunberg was “incorrect” before stating once again that there was no collusion between Trump and Russia during the 2016 election.

Trump, the self-proclaimed "best president ever," who hired Nunberg twice, consistently boasts that he hires “only the best people.” But who does he consider the best people? And is Nunberg one of them?

In an exclusive, Around the Block has obtained the hand-written note Trump carries with him listing his best people. And Nunberg comes in #10.

Why does Trump consider these people his 10 best of the best? The following summary of qualifications and achievements might shed some light on his thinking: 

1. Jared (Kushner) – Senior Advisor to the President: Among other things, is in charge of brokering peace in the Israeli–Palestinian conflict as well as making deals with foreign countries; does his top-secret work without a top-secret security clearance; has drawn scrutiny for mixing government business with his personal business; had four meetings with Russians during the 2016 campaign and presidential transition; works in the White House for no compensation…(space constraints don't allow the listing of more Kushner achievements).

2. Michael Flynn – National Security Advisor: Pleaded guilty to one count of lying to the FBI (a felony) about contacts he had with the Russian government during Trump's presidential transition.

3. Paul Manafort – Trump Campaign Chairman: Indicted by a grand jury for conspiracy against the United States, conspiracy to launder money, failure to file reports of foreign bank and financial accounts, being an unregistered agent of foreign principal, false and misleading FARA statements, and false statements.

4. Anthony Scaramucci – White House Communications Director: Gave an expletive-laden interview to the New Yorker, in which he made obscene and strongly derogatory statements about several members of the Trump administration; fired 10 days after announcement of his appointment.

5. Steve Bannon – White House Chief Strategist: Co-founder of Breitbart News who’s been given credit for doing more than any other person to introduce the alt-right into mainstream American life; #1 supporter of Roy Moore for Senate in Alabama.

6. Omarosa Manigault-Newman – Reality Show Star: Fired three times from various seasons of "The Apprentice;" named by TV Guide in its 2013 list of ‘The 60 Nastiest TV Villains of All Time;’ resigned “to pursue other opportunities” – which ended up being the reality show "Celebrity Big Brother."

7. Sebastian Gorka – Deputy Assistant to the President: Appeared on Fox News on the evening of the U.S. presidential inauguration wearing a badge, tunic, and ring of the Order of Vitéz, an organization the U.S. State Department lists as having been "under the direction of the Nazi government of Germany during World War II.

8. Rob Porter – Staff Secretary: Resigned amid multiple allegations of domestic violence from two ex-wives.

9. Rick Gates – Deputy Campaign Chairman: Indicted in October 2017 on charges related to consulting work with pro-Russian political figures in Ukraine; pleaded guilty to additional charges filed February 2018.

10. Sam Nunberg – Political Advisor to the Trump Campaign: Fired by Trump in 2014 after he arranged a Buzzfeed interview of Trump that ended up being highly critical of Trump; rehired by Trump in 2015, as a communications adviser for the Trump campaign; fired later that year after some of his old Facebook posts surfaced which contained racist slurs.

"Best People" numbers 11-20 will appear in subsequent issues of Around the Block.