Murdoch tells Trump: "Stop hiring my people"

Satire from Ted Block

AROUND THE BLOCK

News with a Twist 

	Trump won’t hire Fox’s diGenova and wife for legal team
	Change of mind occurs immediately after phone call from Rupert Murdoch

President Trump has decided not to hire two lawyers who were announced last week as new additions to his legal team, leaving him with a shrinking stable of lawyers as the investigation by the special counsel, Robert S. Mueller III, enters an intense phase.

“The president is disappointed that conflicts prevent Joe diGenova and Victoria Toensing from joining the president’s special counsel legal team,” Mr. Trump’s personal lawyer, Jay Sekulow, said in a statement on Sunday morning. “However, those conflicts do not prevent them from assisting the president in other legal matters. The president looks forward to working with them.”

White House insiders with knowledge of the president’s thinking say the decision came minutes after Trump’s conversation with Rupert Murdoch, chairman of News Corporation, owner of Fox News.

According to those insiders, Murdoch called the president to express his displeasure at Trump’s poaching of so many of his on-air personalities.

“Mate, no bloody way you can keep hiring my people. If you keep this up, I'll tell my talking points editors to have our on-air personalities attack everything you say or do. Fair dinkum*, we we can out-MSNBC if we want to. You’ll have nothing left to watch on TV all day and actually have to do some work.”

After listening for a while, Trump offered Murdoch a deal: “I’ll won’t hire any more Fox personalities even though I wanted Hannity to be my communications director. But you got to give me this: I want Jeanine Pirro for one of two positions – replacing Mr. Magoo Sessions as attorney general or as my next Supreme Court nominee.”

According to News Corp insiders, Pirro, the combative former judge, prosecutor, and Republican politician, was an easy give for Murdoch, who told associates, “He can have Jeanine. Crikey, she’s too much even for me.”

*Editor's note: Australian for "truly; for real"

  

BREAKING: Trump announces new national security advisor in tweet

Satire from Ted Block

AROUND THE BLOCK

***Breaking***

News with a Twist 

	H.R. McMaster out as national security advisor
	Will be replaced by former U.N. ambassador John Bolton

President Trump said Thursday that he was naming former ambassador John Bolton, a Fox News commentator and conservative firebrand, as his new national security advisor, replacing Lt. Gen. H.R. McMaster.

The president announced the news in a tweet: “I am pleased to announce that, effective 4/9/18, @AmbJohnBolton will be my new National Security Advisor. I am very thankful for the service of General H.R. McMaster who has done an outstanding job & will always remain my friend.”

Contacted by Around the Block, McMaster would not confirm or deny that he is a friend of Trump nor whether, if he is, intends to remain so.

The national security advisor job came down to a contest between Bolton and Lt. General Keith Kellogg. Bolton, one of the many Fox News contributors who often agrees with the president’s instincts, was given the nod despite Trump’s distaste for his mustache.

As reported last week by Around the Block, Trump told a friend, “I hate that mustache. Every time I look at him on TV I think I’m watching Wilfred Brimley pitch oatmeal and diabetes. I hate oatmeal and he can’t even pronounce diabetes. Diabetis…I mean what’s that?”

Bolton ultimately got the nod after a late Thursday negotiation resulting in a deal in which Trump would not require Bolton to shave his mustache and Bolton promised never to utter the words oatmeal or diabetis.

Although Kellogg did not get the national security advisor job, he did not go home empty-handed. As previously reported by Around the Block, Trump likes Kellogg and told friends “Keith makes me laugh.” With this in mind Kellogg has been offered, and will take, the newly created job as White House Entertainment Director and Official Court Jester.

Kellogg, a scion of the Kellogg cereal company, clinched the position after telling the president that his family connections will allow him to bring Kellogg icons Ms. Snap, Ms. Crackle and Ms. Pop to the White House whenever the president feels the need for advice and counsel.

Facebook new challenge from unlikely source: Myspace

Satire from Ted Block

AROUND THE BLOCK

News with a Twist

Facebook’s data scandal deepens

Now also facing attack from erstwhile competitor – Myspace(!?)

Facebook is caught in the middle of a rapidly unfolding scandal over Cambridge Analytica's improper gathering of data on millions of users, and what that exposed about the company's data collection. The fiasco has drawn the interest of lawmakers and regulators and rekindled the debate over its role in the 2016 presidential election.

And the social media giant’s troubles might be getting even bigger.

Erstwhile Facebook competitor, Myspace, which was overwhelmed by the Facebook juggernaut years ago, is seeking to make a comeback at the expense of its bigger, more successful rival.

By the mid-2000’s Myspace was considered the leading social networking site and was consistently beating out main competitor Facebook in traffic. It was so successful Rupert Murdoch’s News Corporation purchased the site for $580 million in 2005. But by 2011 Myspace’s user base and traffic had so deteriorated that News Corporation sold the site for $35 million. (We cannot confirm reports that Jared Kushner, advised Murdoch on the purchase of Myspace).

Now times have changed and the current owners of Myspace are looking to take advantage of Facebook’s difficulties by launching a new advertising campaign that takes a shot at Facebook while seeking to convince its users to switch to Myspace.

While ads have not been finalized, Around the Block has learned that Myspace is working with the following potential tagline and image:

  

Living with 'cyberbully-in-chief' makes Melania perfect for bullying job

Satire from Ted Block

AROUND THE BLOCK

News with a Twist

First lady vows to fight cyberbullying despite critics 

Says "no one better prepared" for job

Melania Trump pushed back against critics Tuesday, declaring her commitment to combating cyberbullying despite the hits she has endured for taking on the issue while her husband routinely goes on Twitter to berate foes and call them names.

“I am well aware that people are skeptical of me discussing this topic,” the first lady said. 

“I have been criticized for my commitment to tackling this issue, and I know that will continue. But it will not stop me from doing what I know is right.”

Mrs. Trump commented as she convened executives from major online and social media companies at the White House to discuss cyberbullying and internet safety, “No one better prepared to deal with cyberbullying than me. After all, I’ve lived with world’s number one cyberbully for 13 years. Since election, I call him 'Cyberbully-in-Chief,'" going on to say, "Calling him that only thing that makes me smile."

In a prepared statement the first lady said, “We have a real opportunity to teach positive online behaviors, but that also means addressing issues offline such as kindness, empathy, and respect. I’ve been working very hard on this with my husband, so far with some success. After all, Donald hasn’t called senators Cruz and Rubio ‘Lyin’ Ted’ and ‘Little Marco’ in quite some time. But there's more work to do and I promise I will not give up.”

Carson reveals pictures to justify furniture purchase

Satire from Ted Block

AROUND THE BLOCK

News with a Twist

Ben Carson Defends Purchase of $31,000 Dining Set at Congressional Hearing

Claims new furniture required for ‘safety reasons’

The New York Times reported that Ben Carson, the secretary of housing and urban development, told a House committee on Tuesday he failed to adhere to a $5,000 federal spending cap for the purchase of a $31,000 lavish mahogany dining room set for his office out of concern for safety — not for decorative purposes.

Mr. Carson, appearing before Congress for the first time since the purchase of the table, chairs and hutch was made public, appeared annoyed when a Democrat at the hearing suggested that he was guilty of “ethical lapses” and turning over key decisions to members of his family.

“People were stuck by nails, and a chair had collapsed with someone sitting in it,” said Mr. Carson, apparently referring to an email, sent by a senior aide last summer, in which she expressed the fear that the old dining set was falling apart and could lead to a mishap.

To justify his reasons for seeking replacements, Carson, for the first time, revealed pictures of the office furniture he inherited.

 Office dining table

  Office dining chair

After showing the pictures of the unsafe furniture Carson added, “I even went down to the HUD basement to look at some surplus furniture that was stored there." 

  HUD basement furniture inventory

"Didn't look like what was there was  going to work so I asked my staff to make the purchases of the new stuff.”

Carson closed his testimony by saying, “Perhaps I should have been more transparent and made all these pictures public before the new furniture was purchased. But, make no mistake; I’ve learned my lesson. My next project is to replace the stairs leading to my office and in the interests of full disclosure, here is a photo of the stairs I will be replacing.”

  HUD stairway to Secretary's office