Trump's true identity revealed - destroying the planet is in his genes! Can you say Ming?

Satire from Ted Block 

AROUND THE BLOCK

News with a Twist

Why is Trump set on destroying the planet?

We investigate so you will know – is Trump really Trump?

The New York Times reported the other day that President Trump has made eliminating federal environmental regulations a priority. 

A Times analysis, based on research from Harvard Law School, Columbia Law School and other sources, counts more than 80 environmental rules and regulations on the way out under Mr. Trump.

The latest Trump attack on the environment was the recent proposal to revoke Obama-era regulations on climate-changing methane leaks from many oil facilities, a move that environmental groups said was meant to renounce the agency's overall legal authority to regulate the gas in the fight against global warming.

What is particularly egregious about this particular rollback is that even some stalwarts of the the fossil fuel industry are against it. Royal Dutch Shell, for example, this year urged the administration to crack down — not ease up — on the emissions. 

So, what is Trump’s motivation for these moves? Why is he single-handedly attempting to destroy the Earth, the planet we live on? Is it simply to undo anything his hated predecessor, Barak Obama, advocated? Is he really that petty? (Well, yes, he is that petty.) But, before you sign on to any other theories for his insufferable actions against the planet, wait for this BlockBuster (sorry!) from Around the Block: "The Method Behind Trump’s Merciless Meanness Against Planet Earth." 

In an exclusive investigation, ATB delved into Trump’s family background and uncovered a stunning revelation. Conventional wisdom has it that the Trump family hails from Bobenheim am Berg, a village in the Palatinate, Germany, in the 18th century. Johann Trump, born in Bobenheim in 1789, moved to the nearby village of Kallstadt where his grandson, Friedrich Trump, the grandfather of Donald Trump, was born in 1869. (There is some debate regarding the family surname with some sources suggesting that the name was actually Drumpf and that Friedrich changed it to Trump after cheating opponents in a game of bridge. *) 

(*Partial Source: John Oiver)

Conventional wisdom is, unfortunately, conventional wisdom. And while the family history might be true, the provenance of Donald himself is not. 

For the real story, we had to go back to the 1930’s. At the time, the greatest American hero was not Babe Ruth or Charles Lindbergh or even Franklin Delano Roosevelt. It was Flash Gordon. And, the greatest threat to America, nay, the entire planet, was Flash Gordon’s mortal enemy Ming the Merciless, the ruthless tyrant, ruler of the planet Mongo.

Ming the Merciless

Now, Ming’s main objective was to make Mongo great again. He even fashioned MMGA hats to rally the Mongo people behind him. But the only way to fulfill his MMGA dream was to destroy the greatest impediment to making Mongo the best, the biggest, the most incredible planet in the universe: DESTROY THE PLANET EARTH! 

Ming, however, did not count on the strength, cunning, fortitude and socialist agenda of Flash Gordon. (Little known fact: At the time, many people on the right were convinced that Flash, although considered the greatest American hero, was not born in America. Ming actually led the campaign to discredit Flash’s “Americanism” by demanding to see his birth certificate.)

After many, many years, Ming’s efforts were thwarted by Flash, Ming was slayed, Americans everywhere chanted "Send them Back" and all Mongonians were sent back to planet Mongo which was then relegated to a universe far, far away.

But not before one catastrophic event occurred.

Ming’s wife, Mong, gave birth to a boy child who was secreted away to a strange place called Queens in the American city of New York, where he was raised by the malevolent real estate mogul Fred Trump. Trump raised the boy as if he was his own and named him Donald. But, as we now have learned, the child posing as Donald Trump was actually Ming the Merciless II. Twosie, as Mrs. Trump lovingly called adopted little Donald, had promised his father Ming the Merciless I (aka Onsie) that he would do all in his power to complete his father's goal of destroying planet Earth and Make Mongo Great Again. But first, Twosie had to attain power by tricking people into thinking that he wanted to Make America Great Again. Like his real dad, Twosie fashioned his own hats, MAGA, knowing these gullible people would believe him and wear his hats everywhere. And, once in power he could fulfill Onsie's dream to destroy planet Earth. And finally, in the year 2016, Twosie, posing as Donald Trump, attained the power to do so. 

And, he is doing so with fervor. And, that is all she wrote. And, if we don't do something soon the "Fat Lady" will sing. And then, it will indeed be over.

Ming the Merciless II (aka "Twosie," aka "Donald Trump"

And, with that, we close with the prescient, but updated words of the late, great Edward R. Murrow, "Good Night and Good Luck – With Twosie in power, you'll really need it!"