Brit Supreme Court (SCOTUK) slaps down Johnson; U.S. contemplates trade deal

Satire from Ted Block

AROUND THE BLOCK

Commentary

British high court rebukes PM BoJo; calls suspension of Parliament “unlawful”

U.S. Congress takes notice; Nadler: why can’t we have a court like that?

In a stunning rebuke, Britain’s highest court dealt a serious blow Tuesday to Prime Minister Boris Johnson. As reported by the Washington Post, the British Supreme Court (SCOTUK) ruled that “his controversial decision to suspend Parliament was unlawful,” and a “landmark judgment that will have immediate implications for Britain’s departure from the European Union.

The Post continued, “In one of the most high-profile cases to come before Britain’s Supreme Court, the 11 judges ruled unanimously that Johnson had attempted to stymie Parliament at a crucial moment in British history.”

The Post went on to report that “Brenda Hale, president of the Supreme Court, eviscerated the government’s case,” going on to report that Hale, “sitting in the high court, avoiding legal language and speaking clearly to the country, said that Johnson’s decision to suspend Parliament ‘was unlawful because it had the effect of frustrating or preventing the ability of Parliament to carry out its constitutional functions without reasonable justification.’

The Court’s decision had immediate repercussions in the United States.

Jerry Nadler (D-NY), Chairman of the House Judiciary Committee said, “Wait, what? The British Supreme Court voted 11-0 to rebuke Boris Johnson? You’ve got to be kidding me. Why can’t we have a court like that?

 “We can, sir” said one of Nadler’s most junior interns, Theodore Samuel “Teddy Ballgame” Williams IV, great-great grandson of the Boston Red Sox Hall of Famer, Ted Williams. "I have an idea. Even though my great-great grandfather Ted was never traded himself, he knew the importance of a great trade when he was managing the Senators. So, why don’t we do the baseball thing and make a trade. Trade two of our Supreme Court justices for two of theirs. I mean 11 to 0 – they certainly can trade two and still get the right stuff done.”

“Who should we trade?” Nadler asked.

“Definitely, Clarence Thomas and Brett Kavanaugh,” Williams replied.

“Well, get right on it and call Brenda Hale; this might be the answer to our prayers,” ordered Nadler.

After a few hours of negotiations, Williams came back with the news.

“Congressman, they’re absolutely willing to make a trade. But they really don’t want Thomas and they want money as well. I told her that we can do Kavanaugh and Gorsuch plus $1 million.”

“I really want Thomas out of here…but also getting rid of Gorsuch, who’s really a pain-in-the-butt and frankly an illegitimate justice, is a great idea,” Nadler said, going on, “how about this: three of theirs for Thomas, Kavanaugh, Gorsuch and $10 million?

“Sounds like a plan, I’ll make the proposal and get back to you,” said Williams.

Since that discussion, Around the Block has learned that while the American proposal has been put on the table and the Brits are mulling it over, there might be one hitch: there’s talk at the Old Bailey that they want to sweeten the deal by making us also take Brexit party leader and all-around pain in the neck, Nigel Farage. When news of this new wrinkle leaked, Nadler reportedly said, “That’s a deal breaker; we cannot have Nigel Farage and Donald Trump in this country at the same time; Fox will have a field day. Bottom line: the only way we'll do the Farage thing is if they take Mitch McConnell as well. Final offer."