Satire from Ted Block
AROUND THE BLOCK
News with a Twist
Call to Ukrainian President not the only one; earlier that week Trump also called Indian PM Modi
Trump covering all bases – wants dirt on “Pocahontas” Warren
In a stunning revelation, Around the Block has learned that days before President Trump’s call to Ukrainian President Zelensky seeking dirt on potential Democratic candidate for president, former Vice President Joe Biden, he also reached out to Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi for dirt on another potential rival, Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren.
Around the Block obtained the "rough transcript" of the call and can exclusively report what Trump and Modi discussed.
Trump: You know I might be running against this woman, Elizabeth Warren, you know, the one I call “Pocahontas.” She claims she’s an Indian, which is why I call her Pocahontas. So I thought you might do me a favor and get some bad information, what we call dirt, from some of your fellow Indians that I can use against her if she’s my opponent. I’m going to ask that Ukraine idiot Zelensky for dirt on Sleepy Joe Biden as well…got to cover all my bases. And, you know, I’m open to sending you more military equipment that you can use against those awful Muslims in Pakistan if you could help me with this one little favor.
Modi: Mr. President, you know how highly I regard you. You are the greatest world leader in recent history, maybe of all time, and perhaps the smartest person I know. My people even tell me that you know words, that you have the best words. And I want to remind you that the last two times I visited the United States I stayed at the Trump Tower in New York and the Trump International Hotel in Washington. And, make no mistake, if I played golf, I’d play at Turnberry in Scotland and Trump International Golf Club at Doonbeg in Ireland. By the way, your underling, Mike Pence, told me that Doonbeg was a little out of the way but it was like staying in heaven. And, I'm sure if anyone knows about heaven, it's Mike Pence. But here’s the thing. I think the kind of Indian you’re talking about is a “Native American” which some ignorant Americans refer to as “Indians.” Those Native Americans are not the same as the Indians who live in my country. Given that, I regret to say, I can’t help you.
Trump: Great one about Pence, Narendra. What a boot licker Pence is. I'm thinking about dumping him in 2020. But, I digress. Now I get it about Indians. You people are “dots” and Pocahontas is a feather. I love the Indian people, but I’m always getting that mixed up.
But never mind about that, how about this? I’ll send that additional military aid I mentioned if you agree to build a big, beautiful, new Trump International Hotel and Resort in New Delhi. You can use it for all visiting foreign diplomats and delegations. I'll even pay you a 10% commission on the bookings. And then you can host the 2021 G7 meeting there after I host the 2020 G7 at Trump National Doral in Miami.
Modi: Mr. President, sorry, I have another call waiting. Can I get back to you?
Trump: Don’t worry. I’ll have Rudy Giuliani, my personal attorney call you with the details. Rudy's a really good guy and a great lawyer. You know he was the mayor of New York, great mayor. And, Bill Barr, the U.S. attorney general, maybe the greatest AG of all time, and my personal government lawyer, will follow up with the legal docs. By the way one more thing: I know you have nuclear, and that's great. But let me tell you, I just learned that we have the greatest nuclear so let’s discuss nuclear on our next call. I want to know what we can do for you with nuclear and what you can do for me.
Modi: Mr. President, I really have to go.
(Click - phone line goes dead)
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