Despite real reason for Christie suspension, Borowitz clings to Rubio tormentor story

AROUND THE BLOCK

News with a Twist

Chris Christie suspending campaign

Some pundits wrong on reason why

The New York Times reported today that New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie would be suspending his presidential campaign today or tomorrow.

While this decision is not surprising given his performance in Tuesday’s New Hampshire primary, Christie’s reasons for dropping out of the campaign did catch some observers off guard, most notably New Yorker columnist Andy Borowitz of The Borowitz Report.

In his column on Monday, Borowitz reported that Christie was dropping out of the race in order to “to focus his energies on tormenting Florida Senator Marco Rubio full-time.” Borowitz’s full report can be seen here

http://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/christie-quits-race-to-focus-on-tormenting-rubio?mbid=nl_160208b_Borowitz&CNDID=27904768&spMailingID=8521183&spUserID=MTA5MjQwNTYxNzIxS0&spJobID=860852717&spReportId=ODYwODUyNzE3S0

According to a spokesman for the Christie campaign, who spoke on the condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to divulge this information, the real reason for Christie’s suspension is that he just wants to “start eating again.”

The spokesman went on to say that Christie would be checking into the Hackensack Bariatric Center sometime next week to have his 2013 lap band surgical procedure reversed.

(All right, the spokesman is Bobby "Bacala" Baccalieri, who said that it didn’t matter if we published his name because he’s going into the witness protection program tomorrow due to his previous job as spokesman for Tony Soprano),

According to Baccalieri, the only reason Christie had the surgery in the first place was in anticipation of his presidential run. Now that he’s dropping out, the governor wants to go back to his happier days of “eating whatever and whenever he wants,” as seen here.

A spokesman for the Borowitz Report, Andy Borowitz, said that while it now might be true that eating is the #1 reason for Christie's decision, the Borowitz Report will be not issuing a correction saying, "Despite these new reports, we are positive that Governor Christie will continue to torment Senator Rubio. So, at the end of the day, both the Borowitz Report and Around The Block are correct in their reporting."