Domino's, Panda Express, Wienerschnitzel also making surprise expansions

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Starbucks to open store in Milan

Vows to bring “good” coffee to Italy

Several news outlets are reporting that Starbucks, the American coffee shop chain, is opening a shop in Italy.

Characterizing it as “coals-to-Newcastle” play, Starbucks chairman Howard Schultz, said that the company would open its first outlet in Milan next year followed by expansion to other cities in Italy.

Indicating that it was a trip to Italy over 30 years ago that inspired him to morph Starbucks, originally founded as a coffee bean roaster, into the now ubiquitous coffee house chain, Schultz said, “After all these years we’ve perfected the art of coffee and espresso making to the point that we feel that we can finally come to Italy and show them how to do it right.”

Schultz went on to say, “We are mindful of the fierce coffee chauvinism of Italians and aware of the risk of being seen as an ugly American company coming in and imposing its ways so we will show deference to Italians and their coffee culture, while demonstrating the superiority of the ‘New World’ coffee shop.”

Not to be outdone, J. Patrick Doyle, CEO of the American pizza chain Domino’s, announced that Domino’s is planning to open their first outlet in Naples, Italy later this year, saying “Domino’s is attempting to bring an American interpretation of classic Italian fare to the market but customized to fit with Italian sensibilities.”

Regarding the Domino’s announcement, legendary Neapolitan pizza maker Giovanni Napolitano said, “Scuse me, but the only way Domino’s can fit with Italian sensibilities is to change its name to Dominico’s and leave its recipes home."

In related news, Chinese fast foot chain Panda Express announced that it would be opening stores in Beijing and Guangzhou later this year and Wienerschnitzel, self-proclaimed “Home of the World’s Most Wanted Wiener,” would enter the German market in early 2017 with outlets in Munich and Dusseldorf.

Question whether Christie endorsers will follow suit

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NJ Gov. Christie Endorses Trump

Backing reflects Christie anger at Rubio

  

In a widely expected move, Governor Chris Christie endorsed his former rival Donald Trump for the Republican presidential candidacy.

Christie dropped out of the race earlier in February citing two key reasons: 1) To start eating as much and as often as possible; and 2) to focus his energies on tormenting Marco Rubio.

He is well on his way to accomplishing his first goal as he recently checked out of the Hackensack Bariatric Center after having his 2013 lap band surgical procedure reversed.

Regarding the second goal, tormenting Mr. Rubio, Christie signaled in his endorsement speech that this would now be his major priority.

At Friday’s news conference announcing the endorsement, which was attended by Mr. Trump, both men used derisive insults in describing Mr. Rubio, with Mr. Christie calling Mr. Rubio’s behavior at the last debate “desperate” and reflective of a “losing campaign.”

Mr. Christie, reminding the audience that he is a former federal prosecutor, also vowed to work with Mr. Trump to determine whether, because of his birth to two Cuban immigrants, Mr. Rubio is even eligible to become president. If he does determine Rubio’s ineligibility Christie indicated that, as a former federal prosecutor. he will bring the full power and authority of his former office to take Mr. Rubio down.

Still in question is whether Mr. Christie’s endorsement will bring with it some of the individuals and groups who had originally endorsed him.  These endorsements include Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi and Jennifer “JWoww" Farley of the reality show Jersey Shore, the National Association of Big Fat Bullies (NABFB) and the Institute for the Preservation of New York and New Jersey Values (IPNYNJV). 

Spokespeople for Snooki, JWoww, the NABFB and the IPNYNJV were all unavailable for comment. 

Trump gives "poorly educated" a special call-out

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Trump Wins Big in Nevada Caucuses

Lots of Love in his victory speech 

As reported by multiple media sources, presidential candidate Donald Trump easily won the Nevada Republican caucus with over 45% of the votes.

In his victory speech, before a rowdy crowd dressed in “Make America Great Again” hats and t-shirts at his Las Vegas hotel, Trump expressed his love for just about everyone and everything including:

• Nevada
• Florida
• Rifles
• the 2nd Amendment
• Evangelicals
• Liberty University
• Las Vegas
• Nevada
• the Country
• the Poorly Educated

While virtually every one of Trump’s Nevada victory speech “loves” has been reported before, it is believed that this is the first time he claimed to love the “poorly educated.” Given that, Around The Block asked the Trump campaign for clarification.

According to Trump spokesperson, Katrina “Don’t Call Me Crazy” Pierson*, Trump has always loved poorly educated people, saying, “Look, let’s be clear here. The poorly educated are the single most important segment of Donald Trump’s base and the key to his victory.  Without the poorly educated we wouldn't be where we are today."

Pierson went on to say, "After all, why would any educated person vote for Donald Trump. So of course he loves the uneducated.”

*In December, Pierson responded to criticism over a necklace made of bullets she wore on-air by saying she might wear a necklace made of fetuses to draw attention to the issue of abortion.

Campaign advisor Devine may enlist old friend

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Delegate count might be a problem for Sanders

Campaign considering rolling out “Plan J”

The New York Times reported today that despite the size of his rallies and the intensity of his supporters, it is looking more and more likely that Bernie Sanders’ road to the Democratic nomination is facing one insurmountable obstacle: delegate count.

According to the Times, delegate count in the Democratic primary shows Mr. Sanders slipping significantly behind Hillary Clinton in the race for the nomination, and the odds of his overtaking her are growing increasingly remote.

Given this outlook, Around The Block has learned that the Sanders campaign is seriously considering invoking what it calls its secret weapon, code-named “Plan J.”

Speaking on the condition of anonymity since he wasn’t authorized to discuss this issue, a Sanders insider said, “We’ve always had Plan J in our pocket and now might be the time to use it.”

According to the insider, “Plan J is simply Bernie’s response to all the talk about Hillary being the first U.S. woman president. While that might be an historic first, it’s no more historic than becoming the first Jewish president, which Bernie will be. Simply stated, Plan J will make that case to the American people.”

While Sanders has spoken publicly about the fact that he would be the first Democratic-Socialist president, he has yet to invoke the Jewish card, which Plan J will do.

But, according to our source, the Sanders campaign is not simply relying on Plan J. In a little known fact, Tad Devine, senior political adviser to Sanders, is also the great-grandson of the late movie and TV personality, Andy Devine.

Andy Devine as the host of the legendary Saturday morning TV show “Andy’s Gang,” employed the equally famous Froggy the Gremlin, whose wizardry could make many impossible things happen.

 The younger Devine, who has had Froggy the Gremlin under his care since the death of his great-grandfather, is reportedly thinking of taking Froggy out of retirement so he can invoke his great-grandfather's famous words to him, “Plunk you magic twanger, Froggy,” in order to have Froggy conjure up his magic and cinch the nomination for Sanders.

Kyle hoped win would lift family's spirits after South Carolina

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Kyle Busch finishes a disappointing third in Daytona 500

Announces suspension of  racing campaign 

In a stunning, and totally unexpected announcement, NASCAR race car champion Kyle Busch said that he was withdrawing from racing after a disappointing third-place finish in the today’s 2016 edition of the legendary Daytona 500.

Busch, who many pundits and most polls had predicted would win the race, said that he was particularly disappointed in this loss.

“Look, a win in today’s race was really important to me, particularly because of what happened to my kin, Jeb, yesterday in South Carolina,” Busch said.

“I just thought it was important for me to do something to lift the family’s spirits after Jeb’s fourth place finish,” going on to say, “I know Uncle H.W. and Aunt Barbara are particularly upset and I’m just sorry that I couldn’t do anything to help them in their time of need.”

When reporters reminded Kyle Busch that he was not related to the other Bush family and, in fact, spells his name differently, Kyle said, “Yeah, that spelling thing has always been a little bit of a problem for me. I guess I’m just more like cousin George W. when it comes to things like spelling and all.”