Satire from Ted Block
AROUND THE BLOCK
News with a Twist
No Joke: Trump really wanted to buy Greenland; cancels trip to Denmark when Danes refuse to sell
Move brings into question Trump's foreign policy
Secret to his “diplomacy” uncovered
Secret to his “diplomacy” uncovered
The New York Times reported today that U.S. president Donald Trump cancelled a planned state visit to Denmark because Denmark would not sell Greenland to the United States.
The visit was cancelled in a tweet.
While Danes were initially astonished by Trump’s original offer to buy the semi-autonomous region, the Times reported, “the astonishment in Denmark over President Trump’s apparent desire to buy Greenland turned to bewilderment and anger on Wednesday after the American leader abruptly scrapped a state visit because the Danes have no desire to sell.
“The cancellation was a rare snub of Denmark’s head of state, Queen Margrethe II, who had extended the invitation to the president and would have hosted him and the first lady.
“News that Mr. Trump had called off his visit ‘came as a surprise,’ the Royal House’s communications director told the state broadcaster, adding, ‘That’s all we have to say about that.’
“Others, however, had more to say. ‘Is this some sort of joke?’ Helle Thorning-Schmidt, a former prime minister, wrote on Twitter. ‘Deeply insulting to the people of Greenland and Denmark.’”
Just like his initial purchase offer, the cancellation was not a joke. A day earlier, Mr. Trump said on Twitter that Denmark was “a very special country with incredible people” but added that he was abandoning plans to visit because of the country’s refusal to sell Greenland, a self-governing part of the kingdom of Denmark.
And, after the Danish PM, Mette Frederiksen, called Trump’s Greenland idea “absurd,” Trump said she was “nasty” giving the thinned-skin president another excuse for abruptly canceling the visit.
The Danes were not the only people surprised. Just hours before Trump’s tweet, the U.S. ambassador to Denmark, Carla Sands, wrote on Twitter that Denmark was excited about the president’s visit.
So, with this latest international kerfuffle dominating the news, what is the secret to Trump’s foreign policy?
In an exclusive, Around the Block has uncovered the secret sauce behind Trump’s diplomacy.
In a heretofore unreported event, minutes after settling into the White House, Trump’s son-in-law and special advisor in charge of everything, presented the president with a treasured (White) house-warming gift: the complete two-volume set: Foreign Policy for Dummies and Diplomacy for Dummies.
Jared’s heartfelt inscription in Foreign Policy for Dummies read,
Dad, I’ve been reading these books since you won the election in November (yeah, I know I’m a slow reader). I figured that despite all the foreign policy jobs you’re giving me, I’m a real dummy, so I figured I’d boner up (HaHaHa. See what I did there, boner up, not bone up? Shows that I really know you, right Dad?) Now that I’m almost finished, I thought you’d get some insights from these books since you’re as big a dummy as I am (LOL).
XOXOXO,
Jared
Is this the secret sauce? Well, as this leaked photo from the White House shows, the president IS actually reading the books.
Upon hearing about Jared’s gift to her father, and not to be outdone, Ivanka Trump, Jared’s wife and rival presidential aide presented another “Dummies” type book, Backstabbing for Beginners, to her dad. Apparently, no inscription from Ivanka, but sources tell us that she was sitting on Trump’s lap when she gave him the book, told him that that since he doesn't read books, he should really re-gift it someone who needs it, like Rex Tillerson, and left after giving him a big, wet, good-luck kiss on the lips.
Always trying to curry favor with her father, Tiffany Trump, maybe the only voice of reason in the Trump family or White House, also gave her father a house-warming gift, Human Decency for Dummies. Our reporting indicates that Tiffany’s gift was slipped under the Oval Office door (since she's not allowed anywhere near the Oval Office) whereupon presidential aides immediately relegated it to the circular file.
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