Satire from Ted Block
AROUND THE BLOCK
News with a Twist
Whiplash Edition
Trump contradictory statements hastens whiplash warning
Mental health called into question;
ATB calls in "expert for exclusive
diagnosis
 |
| Snidely "Donald" Whiplash |
Sunday
and Monday were extremely busy days at Around the Block as we tried
to follow the Group of 7 Summit (or, as Trump calls it the G8-1, as his own +1, Vladimir Putin wasn't invited, -- "it's Obama's fault").
We began to seriously question not only the
veracity of Donald Trump, but his mental health. And, on top of all that, we
had to take a time-out for a trip to the Delray Beach “Docs ‘R Us” urgent care in the Del Boca Rio Vista Lakes Center (don’t
believe those advertised 5-minute wait times, my fellow Delray Beachers) to get
some relief from the pulled muscles in my neck caused by my whiplash from, you guessed it, Trump's performance at the G7.
But,
enough about me. Let’s talk about Trump.
The day
started out in normal fashion with Trump sending, according to the Times,
deeply contradictory signals about his trade war with China on Sunday, ending
the day by escalating his threats of higher tariffs even as he remained
isolated from fellow world leaders on a strategy that has rattled the global
economy.”
A day after defending his authority to order American companies out of China, he started
Sunday by conceding that he was having “second thoughts” about a new round of
levies on Chinese goods. Within hours, he abruptly reversed himself again,
saying that he only regretted not raising tariffs even higher.
Then, when
questioned about his defense of his order to demand American companies out of China, he said he
wasn’t going to do that after all.
Then,
after calling Chinese President Xi (along with Federal Reserve Chairman Jerome
Powell) an enemy of America saying, “What they’ve (China) done is outrageous, that
presidents and administrations allowed them to get away with taking hundreds of
billions of dollars out every year,” he lauded Xi, praising him as a "great
leader" for understanding "how life works." Trump went on to say
that top Chinese officials had called to “get back to the table."
Beijing
did not confirm any weekend phone calls between its trade representatives and
U.S. officials, and in regular remarks to reporters, a Chinese Foreign Ministry
representative said he was unaware of any such phone conversations.
OK,
that settles the veracity issue, so back to whiplash and mental health.
In an apparent whiplash breakthrough, Trump finally became aware of the effect of his contradictory statements, and did not reverse himself on Fed Chair Powell’s status as an American enemy. The head of the Federal Reserve is, at this writing, still an enemy of the people.
With regard to no flip-flop on Chairman Powell, Press
Secretary Stephanie Grisham, speaking to reporters behind a curtain in order to continue to hide her face from public view, said about the President's non-reversal, "the President is aware of the
fact that some of you are claiming his statements may cause whiplash sending Americans to seek medical attention. In that regard, and due to the high cost
of medical care in the United States which Democrats will not address, Donald J. Trump has pledged not to issue any
further contradictory statements until Obamacare is repealed and replaced by
the Republican healthcare plan.”
To
this point there is no Republican healthcare plan so the hope is that there
will be no more Trump flip-flops for a long, long time.
Despite that, the White House press corps over-under for when the President will contradict
his pledge not to issue a contradictory statement is six hours.
Now, on a
more serious note…
We mentioned
at the top of this column that we also have worries about the President’s
mental health. As a public service, and in order to help allay further concerns,
we have consulted with one of the foremost American physicians and the doctor
who knows Donald Trump better than any other, his own personal physician, Dr.
Harold Bornstein.
Readers
of Around the Block will remember that ATB has reached out to Dr.
Bornstein in the past, most recently after Trump was upset about the perceived
slights to him due to reporting of the size of the Women’s March On Washington in
2017.
At that time, Dr. Bornstein diagnosis was, “the President has a condition
known as 'extreme pre-dawn supererogatory Twitter syndrome' where sending too
many tweets before 7am leads to tweeting things the sender doesn't really mean
or believe."
As
such Dr. Bornstein recommended that Trump limit his tweets to no more than one
between 3am and 7am and, to avoid the occurrence of the more common "extreme prosaic supererogatory Twitter syndrome,” no more than three per
hour thereafter.
With that as background, here is a transcript of our talk with Dr. Bornstein about Trump, contradictory statements and whiplash.
Around
the Block: Thank
you, Dr. Bornstein for joining us again.
Dr.
Harold Bornstein:
My pleasure. As you know given my own neuroses, being out of the news for so long has
been trying on me, so thanks for getting me back in the public eye where I should be.
ATB: Well, let’s get to it. Unlike
the last time we talked, although he is still a “tweet machine” the current
situation with Donald Trump is about his contradictory statements and the
whiplash effect those statements are having on the American public.
HB: First, while I appreciate
your use of the common term “whiplash effect,” if I may correct you – the appropriate
medical term is “whipsaw effect.” Whiplash only occurs when there is physical
trauma, like a car accident; “whipsaw,” on the other hand, is caused when the trauma is the result of aural
stimulus, like when Donald talks. It’s a shame that so many people use the terms interchangeably and
incorrectly.
ATB: Thank you for the
explanation; we stand corrected.
HB: Now to the case at hand.
Donald’s situation is a symptom of psychopathic sociopaths who live in narcissistic
bubbles. While some people, when caught in a misstatement or more precisely,
a lie, will double-down – that is, re-emphasize the lie with an even bigger one;
we call that “Double-Down Disorder.” Donald has what we like to call in the psychiatric
world, “Triple-Down Disorder.”
ATB: Triple-Down Disorder? I’ve
never heard of that before.
HB: Precisely. That’s because it
is extremely rare and only occurs with psychopathic sociopaths who live in narcissistic
bubbles. That disease is so rare in fact, that there have been less than 10 people in history who have suffered from it, including Adolf Hitler,
Joseph Stalin, Benito Mussolini, Attila the Hun, Marie Antoinette and King George III (they didn’t
call him the “Mad King” for nothing), among others.
Now, what is the effect of Triple-Down
Disorder?
Triple-Down Syndrome, unlike Double-Down Disorder is when someone is caught in an imprudent statement, realizes the
error of their ways, takes the statement back and then within a short period of
time, goes back to the original declaration with even greater impunity. It is
so rare, that I feel extremely privileged to be one of the only doctors living
today who has seen and diagnosed it.
ATB: And, is there any treatment
or cure.
HB: In my opinion, there is no
cure or treatment for this – facts are facts: Donald Trump is a psychopathic sociopath
living in a narcissistic bubble. That cannot be fixed. The only solution I see is to eliminate his power and his soapbox. And that, unfortunately can only be
done by the American Congress through impeachment or censure, his Cabinet through the 25th Amendment, or the American people in the next
election. By the way, you probably didn't know this, but I'm also a social studies teacher in my spare time.
ATB: Sad but true. Thank you, Dr.
Bornstein, for your expertise and your frank prognosis. But one final question regarding the 25th Amendment. Is Trump's illness enough to allow the Cabinet to invoke it?
HB: In my opinion Donald's mental illness has incapacitated him to such a degree, he is incapable of doing his job responsibly. And I'll testify to that.
