Immigrants; Marxism; Florida

In Case You Missed It

AROUND THE BLOCK

Trump Dreams Up Another Immigrant Crisis; Cultural Marxism; Florida Florida Florida

November 13, 2018

It's been while since the last Around the Block post. There are many reasons why I went on hiatus, but mostly it was because I felt that writing satirical posts, given the current state of affairs in this country, didn't suggest funny anymore. At least not to me. I figured I should leave the satire to Borowitz and Bee and Oliver...professionals who are really good at it. Frankly, my heart simply wasn't in it.

Although I stopped writing, I did continue to forward articles and commentary I thought worthy of a read, just in case friends and/or former Around the Block readers missed them. And, you know, some did. Which led to this new iteration of Around the Block -- In Case You Missed It. In this new version, I won't be twisting the news but rather posting what I believe are meaningful and interesting articles that moved me somehow: made me think, made me angry, made me laugh...you get the point. Oh yeah, and where appropriate, I'll also add my own commentary. 

This is my first attempt at the new Around the Block. It might take a few tries to get into a groove, so bear with me (or not, as the case may be). In any event, feedback is appreciated, and opting out is allowable without any rancor or retribution on my part.

So, here goes: 

The Times editorializes today about Trump dreaming up another immigrant crisis and in the process is creating  nonexistent threats, generating manufactured fears and preparing exaggerated responses, all leading to an erosion of the rule of law, to feed more fears.”

While conventional wisdom suggested that Trump would forget about the caravan and the phony immigrant crisis after the midterms, the Times opines, “But like the Muslim ban, which was also gestated in a political contest, the one that elected him president, Friday’s asylum ban demonstrates that Mr. Trump’s nativist impulses are guides not just to his campaigns but also to his governing.”

But is this just stating the obvious? Are we surprised? Or should we be more surprised (shocked, actually), that a large percentage of us are not only surprise but condone this kind of behavior? 

Also in today’s Times, I learned from Samuel Moyn, a professor of law and history at Yale, that the alt-right’s favorite meme, “Cultural Marxism,”is 100 years old. 

How do you know if you’re a cultural Marxist? Check all that apply:                 

( ) abortion rights advocate

( ) civil rights advocate

( ) feminist

( ) globalist

( ) homosexual/supporter of gay rights

( ) intellectual

( ) socialist

( ) Jew (except those who support Sheldon and Miriam Adelson*)

*Trump’s nominee for the Presidential Medal of Freedom – Don’t get me started

Finally, given my recent move to the Sunshine State, let me close with a piece on my adopted state’s latest national embarrassment – elections and vote counting. Yes, the ballot design in Broward county is flawed, but the recount is going forward in an orderly, organized manner. Yes, Florida has restrictions on voter registration and eligibility (but hurray, some progress: Amendment 4 allowing ex-felons who have paid their debt to society passed by 65%-35%). And yes, Rick Scott is making completely unfounded claims of "unethical liberals" committing "rampant fraud" (now, can you think of a  governor more embarrassing than Rick Scott...oh, yeah, the other "Rick," Snyder of Michigan and Flint water crisis fame).  But even more incredible is the stance of our sitting president on the Florida voting situation who, as John Nichols writes in The Nation is attacking the Florida recounts because he hates democracy.

And, as a Lucky Strike Extra, there’s a link in the Nichols’ piece to a book he wrote detailing the 2000 recount in Florida: “Jews for Buchanan: Did You Hear the One About the Theft of the American Presidency”

Perhaps I should amend my cultural Marxist questionnaire:

( ) Jews (except those who support Sheldon and Miriam Adelson and Pat Buchanan)

Trump: Cohen FBI raid a break-in; attack on our country

Satire from Ted Block

AROUND THE BLOCK

News with a Twist

	F.B.I. Raids Office of Trump’s Longtime Lawyer Michael Cohen; Trump Calls It ‘Disgraceful’
	“This is an attack on our country…a date that will live in infamy”

The F.B.I. raided the Rockefeller Center office and Park Avenue hotel room of President Trump’s longtime personal lawyer, Michael D. Cohen, on Monday morning, seizing business records, emails and documents related to several topics, including a payment to a pornographic film actress.

Mr. Trump, in an extraordinarily angry response, lashed out hours later at what a person briefed on the matter said was an investigation into possible bank fraud by Mr. Cohen. 

Mr. Trump accused his own Justice Department of perpetrating a “witch hunt” and asserted that the F.B.I. “broke in to” Mr. Cohen’s office.

The president, who spoke at the White House before meeting with senior military commanders about a potential missile strike on Syria, called the F.B.I. raid a “disgraceful situation” and an “attack on our country in a true sense,” adding, “Forget Pearl Harbor, April 9, 2018 will be a date that will live in infamy,” as he declared war on Robert Mueller, Rod Rosenstein and Jeff Sessions.

Pruitt job safe because Oklahomans not that smart

Satire from Ted Block

AROUND THE BLOCK

News with a Twist

As Pruitt’s offenses mount, why won’t Trump fire him?

Huckabee Sanders: "Even Arkansans know people from Oklahoma aren’t clever enough to do all these things.”

The question bouncing around Washington these days: Why hasn’t Scott Pruitt, the embattled EPA Administrator, been fired by President Trump yet?

First, a summary of his scandalous indiscretions:

• He baldly lied to Congress during his confirmation process, saying he didn’t use his private email for public business, when conclusive evidence showed he did; he used it to coordinate strategy with Big Oil, which is why he lied about it in his sworn statements. That’s a felony.
• After the White House denied Pruitt’s request to give two close aides a raise, he did it anyway, exploiting a legal provision meant to hire hydrology experts to instead pay the aides. That’s a misuse of the Safe Drinking Water Act. 
• It turns out that one of those aides, Millan Hupp, coordinated Pruitt’s personal housing search in D.C. That’s a violation of government ethics rules.
• While that search was underway, Pruitt took a below-market rent deal from a lobbyist whose firm was pushing for a controversial gas pipeline (which Pruitt approved). That constitutes an undisclosed gift from the lobbyist to Pruitt.
• Pruitt has racked up over $118,000 in first-class air travel in 2017, whining that our “toxic” political climate means that people aren’t nice to him in coach. He’s spent $58,000 of that taxpayer money flying back and forth from Oklahoma, where he is rumored to be mulling a Senate run.
• Pruitt also blew $36,000 on a military jet to New York in order to catch a $7,003 flight to Rome for a conference. He spent $40,000 to fly to Morocco to promote natural gas exports.
• All this, plus spending $43,000 on a soundproof phone booth in his office and $800,000 (and counting) for a ’round-the-clock security detail that even went with Pruitt’s family to Disney World.

At a press briefing, White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee “Colonel” Sanders was asked, given this litany of Pruitt malfeasance, why the president hasn’t seen fit to fire him. 

“Look, the president has heard all the charges being lobbed at Administrator Pruitt and frankly believes they’re all lies and fake news being perpetrated by the Bezos lobbyist Washington Post and the failing New York Times," Huckabee "Colonel" Sanders said. "After all, Mr. Pruitt is from Oklahoma and there’s no way anyone from Oklahoma could be clever enough or devious enough to dream up all these ways to cheat. Look, I’m from Arkansas and we get accused of not being the sharpest knives in the drawer all the time. But even we consider folks from Oklahoma to be dull, dull, dull.”

Murdoch tells Trump: "Stop hiring my people"

Satire from Ted Block

AROUND THE BLOCK

News with a Twist 

	Trump won’t hire Fox’s diGenova and wife for legal team
	Change of mind occurs immediately after phone call from Rupert Murdoch

President Trump has decided not to hire two lawyers who were announced last week as new additions to his legal team, leaving him with a shrinking stable of lawyers as the investigation by the special counsel, Robert S. Mueller III, enters an intense phase.

“The president is disappointed that conflicts prevent Joe diGenova and Victoria Toensing from joining the president’s special counsel legal team,” Mr. Trump’s personal lawyer, Jay Sekulow, said in a statement on Sunday morning. “However, those conflicts do not prevent them from assisting the president in other legal matters. The president looks forward to working with them.”

White House insiders with knowledge of the president’s thinking say the decision came minutes after Trump’s conversation with Rupert Murdoch, chairman of News Corporation, owner of Fox News.

According to those insiders, Murdoch called the president to express his displeasure at Trump’s poaching of so many of his on-air personalities.

“Mate, no bloody way you can keep hiring my people. If you keep this up, I'll tell my talking points editors to have our on-air personalities attack everything you say or do. Fair dinkum*, we we can out-MSNBC if we want to. You’ll have nothing left to watch on TV all day and actually have to do some work.”

After listening for a while, Trump offered Murdoch a deal: “I’ll won’t hire any more Fox personalities even though I wanted Hannity to be my communications director. But you got to give me this: I want Jeanine Pirro for one of two positions – replacing Mr. Magoo Sessions as attorney general or as my next Supreme Court nominee.”

According to News Corp insiders, Pirro, the combative former judge, prosecutor, and Republican politician, was an easy give for Murdoch, who told associates, “He can have Jeanine. Crikey, she’s too much even for me.”

*Editor's note: Australian for "truly; for real"

  

BREAKING: Trump announces new national security advisor in tweet

Satire from Ted Block

AROUND THE BLOCK

***Breaking***

News with a Twist 

	H.R. McMaster out as national security advisor
	Will be replaced by former U.N. ambassador John Bolton

President Trump said Thursday that he was naming former ambassador John Bolton, a Fox News commentator and conservative firebrand, as his new national security advisor, replacing Lt. Gen. H.R. McMaster.

The president announced the news in a tweet: “I am pleased to announce that, effective 4/9/18, @AmbJohnBolton will be my new National Security Advisor. I am very thankful for the service of General H.R. McMaster who has done an outstanding job & will always remain my friend.”

Contacted by Around the Block, McMaster would not confirm or deny that he is a friend of Trump nor whether, if he is, intends to remain so.

The national security advisor job came down to a contest between Bolton and Lt. General Keith Kellogg. Bolton, one of the many Fox News contributors who often agrees with the president’s instincts, was given the nod despite Trump’s distaste for his mustache.

As reported last week by Around the Block, Trump told a friend, “I hate that mustache. Every time I look at him on TV I think I’m watching Wilfred Brimley pitch oatmeal and diabetes. I hate oatmeal and he can’t even pronounce diabetes. Diabetis…I mean what’s that?”

Bolton ultimately got the nod after a late Thursday negotiation resulting in a deal in which Trump would not require Bolton to shave his mustache and Bolton promised never to utter the words oatmeal or diabetis.

Although Kellogg did not get the national security advisor job, he did not go home empty-handed. As previously reported by Around the Block, Trump likes Kellogg and told friends “Keith makes me laugh.” With this in mind Kellogg has been offered, and will take, the newly created job as White House Entertainment Director and Official Court Jester.

Kellogg, a scion of the Kellogg cereal company, clinched the position after telling the president that his family connections will allow him to bring Kellogg icons Ms. Snap, Ms. Crackle and Ms. Pop to the White House whenever the president feels the need for advice and counsel.

Facebook new challenge from unlikely source: Myspace

Satire from Ted Block

AROUND THE BLOCK

News with a Twist

Facebook’s data scandal deepens

Now also facing attack from erstwhile competitor – Myspace(!?)

Facebook is caught in the middle of a rapidly unfolding scandal over Cambridge Analytica's improper gathering of data on millions of users, and what that exposed about the company's data collection. The fiasco has drawn the interest of lawmakers and regulators and rekindled the debate over its role in the 2016 presidential election.

And the social media giant’s troubles might be getting even bigger.

Erstwhile Facebook competitor, Myspace, which was overwhelmed by the Facebook juggernaut years ago, is seeking to make a comeback at the expense of its bigger, more successful rival.

By the mid-2000’s Myspace was considered the leading social networking site and was consistently beating out main competitor Facebook in traffic. It was so successful Rupert Murdoch’s News Corporation purchased the site for $580 million in 2005. But by 2011 Myspace’s user base and traffic had so deteriorated that News Corporation sold the site for $35 million. (We cannot confirm reports that Jared Kushner, advised Murdoch on the purchase of Myspace).

Now times have changed and the current owners of Myspace are looking to take advantage of Facebook’s difficulties by launching a new advertising campaign that takes a shot at Facebook while seeking to convince its users to switch to Myspace.

While ads have not been finalized, Around the Block has learned that Myspace is working with the following potential tagline and image:

  

Living with 'cyberbully-in-chief' makes Melania perfect for bullying job

Satire from Ted Block

AROUND THE BLOCK

News with a Twist

First lady vows to fight cyberbullying despite critics 

Says "no one better prepared" for job

Melania Trump pushed back against critics Tuesday, declaring her commitment to combating cyberbullying despite the hits she has endured for taking on the issue while her husband routinely goes on Twitter to berate foes and call them names.

“I am well aware that people are skeptical of me discussing this topic,” the first lady said. 

“I have been criticized for my commitment to tackling this issue, and I know that will continue. But it will not stop me from doing what I know is right.”

Mrs. Trump commented as she convened executives from major online and social media companies at the White House to discuss cyberbullying and internet safety, “No one better prepared to deal with cyberbullying than me. After all, I’ve lived with world’s number one cyberbully for 13 years. Since election, I call him 'Cyberbully-in-Chief,'" going on to say, "Calling him that only thing that makes me smile."

In a prepared statement the first lady said, “We have a real opportunity to teach positive online behaviors, but that also means addressing issues offline such as kindness, empathy, and respect. I’ve been working very hard on this with my husband, so far with some success. After all, Donald hasn’t called senators Cruz and Rubio ‘Lyin’ Ted’ and ‘Little Marco’ in quite some time. But there's more work to do and I promise I will not give up.”