Trump to establish "Now For Something Completely Different" bureau

Satire from Ted Block

AROUND THE BLOCK

News with a Twist

U.S. Navy carrier group was headed the wrong way

Spicer: All part of the “doing something completely different” plan

The Washington Post reported today that the U.S. aircraft carrier Carl Vinson that was supposed to be steaming toward North Korea more than a week ago, representing an “armada” demonstrating American resolve, seems to be finally be heading north.

The Carl Vinson, accompanied by a carrier air wing, two guided-missile destroyers and a cruiser, was supposed to have been ordered to sail north after leaving Singapore on April 8. But a week later, the Navy published photos showing it was actually sailing in the opposite direction through the Sunda Strait between the Indonesia islands of Sumatra and Java, more than 3,000 miles southwest of the Korean Peninsula — and more than 500 miles southeast of Singapore.

At the time of the Korea deployment announcement Defense Secretary James "Mad Dog" Mattis told reporters the Carl Vinson was “on her way up there.” In an interview that aired April 12, President Trump said the U.S. was sending ships. “An armada, very powerful,” he said.

Pentagon sources say that Mattis, living up to his nickname, reportedly told staffers regarding the disorganization, he was "mad as hell" and wasn't "going to take it anymore."

Mad Dog aside, why it took the task group an entire week to actually turn around remains a question.

When asked about the confusion, White House press secretary Sean Spicer said, “Ah, confusion. I’m glad you asked that. As you all know, the President refuses to tip his hand to our adversaries. As he’s said many times before, you don’t want to signal your intentions to the enemy so they can prepare. In this case, we completely confused Kim Jong Il by actually saying what we’d do, a complete change from our normal policy, and then doing something “completely different.”

Spicer went on to say that the President is thrilled by the success of the Carl Vinson's 180-degree turn-around.

"The Carl Vinson-180 puts to rest the crooked media's deriding of our 180-degree policy shifts as now we've put that policy into tangible military action. In fact, we're calling the task group "Operation Doing a 180," Spicer said.

Going further on the completely different theme, Spicer announced that the president has signed an executive order establishing the “Bureau of Now For Something Completely Different,” to be headed by Eric Idle and Michael Palin, formerly of Monty Python’s Flying Circus.

It is rumored, but not confirmed, that the president is also contemplating the formation of the “Ministry of Silly Walks” as evidenced by the fact that the newest White House tour guide, former Python John Cleese, now starts every tour with the phrase, “Walk this way.”