Bornstein: Not schizophrenia but Breitbann Withdrawal Syndrome (BbWS)

Satire from Ted Block

AROUND THE BLOCK

News with a Twist

Trump’s dramatic policy shifts cause concern about schizophrenia

  

Kushner brings in specialist, Dr. Bornstein, for emergency diagnosis

E.J. Dionne of the Washington Post says “Trump’s weather-vane presidency gyrates wildly with the winds.” But some administration officials are becoming concerned that President Donald Trump is displaying classic symptoms of schizophrenia.

With 180-degree policy shifts occurring at a breathtaking pace, advisors are beginning to refer to the president as “The New Donald” and “The Old Donald” and are at a loss as to what to do.

The following details some recent examples of complete turn-a-rounds in Trump’s public policy statements:

NATO

The New Donald (April 12): “It was once obsolete; it is no longer obsolete. I complained about that a long time ago, and they made a change — and now they do fight terrorism.”

The Old Donald (March 22 – AKA “a long time ago”): Nato is “obsolete, because it doesn’t cover terrorism.”

China

The New Donald (April 11): “They (China) are not currency manipulators.”

The Old Donald (As a candidate): I will "label China a currency manipulator on my first day in office,” and on April 6 "China is the world champion of currency manipulation."

Fed Chairman Janet Yellen

The New Donald (April 12): Responding to a question whether Janet Yellen will be gone when her term expires, “No, I like her. I respect her. It’s very early.”

The Old Donald (As a candidate): “Janet Yellen should be ashamed of what she is doing to ruin the country. She’s keeping interest rates low to help Hillary Clinton win.”

Interest Rates

The New Donald (April 12): “I do like a low-interest-rate policy, I must be honest with you.”

The Old Donald (As a candidate): “Low rates might be creating a bubble where you go into a very massive recession.”

The U.S. Military

The New Donald (April 12): “It (the military) is so incredible. It's brilliant. It's genius. Our technology, our equipment, is better than anybody by a factor of five. In terms of technology, nobody can even come close to competing.”

The Old Donald (As a candidate): “We're going to rebuild out military. Our military is in shambles!”

According to sources inside the White House, the situation is so out of control that Jared Kushner, the president’s son-in-law, after being told by first daughter Ivanka that she's very unhappy with this "New/Old Donald thing," is taking time out from some of his other responsibilities (which include Mid-East peace envoy, special envoy to Iraq, head of the White House Office of American Innovation, solving America’s opioid epidemic, reforming the VA, reforming the criminal justice system and the primary point of contact for presidents, ministers and ambassadors from more than two dozen countries including, importantly, Mexico and China) to solve the president’s blowing in the wind policy problem.

In that regard, Around the Block has learned exclusively that Kushner has brought in Mr. Trump’s personal physician, Dr. Harold Bornstein, who during the campaign proclaimed that Trump would be the “healthiest man ever elected to be president” to diagnose the president.

Based on his preliminary examination, Bornstein has indicated that although Trump shows all the signs of schizophrenia, which involves a breakdown in the relation between thought, emotion, and behavior, leading to faulty perception, inappropriate actions and feelings, withdrawal from reality and personal relationships into fantasy and delusion, and a sense of mental fragmentation, he is actually suffering from the far less common disorder known as Breitbann Withdrawal Syndrome (BbWS) in which a person with no convictions, values, principles or beliefs can regain some rational opinions, thought and behavior when certain stimuli are removed from his presence.

According to Dr. Bornstein, one never fully recovers from BbWS. “I told Jared, that to keep BbWS, and its sister disorder, IjWS (Ivjar Withdrawal Syndrome) under control, you’ll have to monitor who is in the room with the president at all times in order to ensure consistent stimuli, or get ready for a ‘follow the bouncing ball’ presidency.”