Kushner to testify: "I knew nothing, I know nothing"

Satire from Ted Block

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Kushner to testify that he didn’t know what meeting with the Russian was about

“I never know the reason or prepare for any meetings,” says Trump’s son-in-law and senior advisor

***BREAKING NEWS***

The New York Times reported today that President Trump’s son-in-law, Jared Kushner, said on Monday that he had been unaware that a June 2016 meeting he attended at Trump Tower was set up in the hope that a Russian lawyer would provide the Trump campaign with damaging information about Hillary Clinton.
  
Mr. Kushner, who is to give his statement to the Senate Intelligence Committee on Monday, said he went to the meeting at the request of the president’s eldest son, Donald J. Trump Jr. Mr. Kushner said he did not read an email forwarded by the younger Mr. Trump saying that the Russian government was providing dirt about Mrs. Clinton as part of its effort to help the Trump campaign.

In an exclusive interview this morning on Fox and Friends Mr. Kushner said, “Throughout my very successful business career I’ve never once gone into a meeting knowing anything about it…the purpose, the agenda, nothing. I find that I’m at my best when I’m fresh and unencumbered by facts, or any knowledge for that matter.”

Fox and Friends anchor, Steve Doocy, responded, with a characteristic Doocy grin and chuckle saying, “Mr. Kushner, I agree with you 100%. I for one never prepare for this show and my interviews. And the results, you’d have to agree, speak for themselves.”

Doocy’s co-anchors Lucy (aka the interchangeable blonde with the short skirt) and “the other guy” then laughed heartily for 30 seconds before Doocy asked his next penetrating, yet uninformed question.

“Let me ask this, Mr. Kushner. Besides being married to the brilliant and beautiful and successful Ivanka Trump, you’re best known for your purchase of 666 Fifth Avenue at a price that, at the time, made the building the most expensive building ever sold in New York City. I guess you’re really proud of that,” Doocy asked.

(Note: New York real estate sources consider the Kushner purchase of 666 one of the worst deals in the history of New York real estate)

Kushner responded by saying “Look, I’m not here to talk about my real estate successes but to help the president make America great again in any way I can.”

Doocy ended the exchange by asking Kushner if he prepared for meetings for any of the other administration initiatives he is responsible for. 

(Note: Although Doocy didn’t know what those initiatives are they include, but are not limited to, negotiating peace in the Middle East, solving America’s opioid epidemic, diplomacy with Mexico and China, reforming care for veterans, reforming the criminal justice system and reinventing the entire U.S. government.)

Kushner replied, “I absolutely don’t prepare or study for any of this. Why do that when I’ve been so successful just winging it?”

Neither Doocy, Lucy or "the other guy" followed up with, “and being born into a rich family and marrying the daughter of another guy born into a rich family who is now President of the United States didn't help either, did it?”