No -strom's to enter U.S. until extreme vetting procedures are established

Satire from Ted Block

AROUND THE BLOCK

***BREAKING News with a Twist****

Trump calls for review of John Nordstrom immigration record

Signs executive order banning people with name -strom from any country for 90 days

(At Sea) In an apparent fit of pique following his allegation that the Nordstrom department store treated his daughter, Ivanka, poorly for dropping her clothing line from the store, President Donald Trump ordered the State Department to make a complete review of the retailer’s founder, John Nordstrom, who emigrated from the village of Alvik, close to the city of Luleå in Northern Sweden in 1887.

The order was made in a tweet at 4 am this morning.

Following his tweet, Trump issued an executive order, in the interests of national security, directing the Department of Homeland Security to temporarily ban people from any country whose name ends in –strom from entering the U.S. for 90 days or until extreme –strom vetting procedures can be established. This ban will prevent members of the Nordstrom family still living in Alvik from visiting their retailer relatives in Seattle.

Response to the executive order was almost instantaneous as protests erupted in Washington State, Minnesota and North and South Dakota where there are concentrations of people with Swedish heritage as well as many, many families whose name ends in –strom.

A march in Fargo, North Dakota was typical, where hundreds of Lundstom’s, Engstrom’s and, yes, Nordstrom’s were joined by Lundegaard’s, Gunderson’s and Rudrüd’s.

“We stand behind the Nordstorm’s and all the other –strom’s on this, you betcha’,” said Marge Gunderson of Fargo. “We don’t know who’ll be next – could be a Gunderson and we just won’t let that happen.

Echoing Gunderson, Wade Gustafson of Fergus Falls, Minnesota said, “You betcha’.”