Monday, February 20, 2017

Trump to sign Executive Order cancelling intel spending. Agencies to rely on Fox instead.



Satire from Ted Block

AROUND THE BLOCK

News with a Twist


Despite international furor, Trump doubles down on Sweden terrorist attacks


Claims Fox News information more cost-effective than U.S. intelligence




Subsequent to President Trump's setting off consternation and ridicule on Saturday after he seemed to falsely imply to a throng of supporters at a rally in Florida that a terrorist attack had occurred in Sweden, the Trump team tried to control the fallout.

On Sunday, as questions swirled, a White House spokeswoman, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, said, “he was talking about rising crime and recent incidents in general, not referring to a specific issue.”

But Huckabee Sanders’ explanation did not deter Trump who later tweeted that he was referring to a Fox News segment about an American filmmaker who argues that the police in Sweden are covering up a migrant-driven crime wave.

Officials in both countries expressed alarm and dismay at Mr. Trump’s remarks with Senator Bob Casey, a Pennsylvania Democrat, suggesting that the president should get his information from intelligence agencies and not from television.



Responding to Casey’s criticism, Trump said that the U.S. spends $70 billion a year on intelligence, most of it bad, while he gets his information from Fox News, all of it good. And it only costs him the $110/month fee for Comcast, tweeting, “What’s more cost-effective? Give me a break!”



He went on to say that his team is working on an Executive Order for him to sign that will put a stop to all U.S. intelligence spending, substituting special cable TV subscriptions for the heads of every U.S. intelligence agency. 



Sources inside the White House say that those special subscriptions will broadcast Fox News but will block CNN and MSNBC in order to ensure no “fake news” gets into the hands of government officials.

Tiffany Trump to head company selling tickets to Presidential meetings



Satire from Ted Block

AROUND THE BLOCK

News with a Twist


Mar-a-Lago security event with Japan’s Abe spawns plan for future presidential meeting venues

Tickets to be sold for NSC meetings to be held at Madison Square Garden


One week after President Donald J. Trump turned the dining room terrace of his resort, Mar-a-Lago, into an open-air national security situation room, the president has decided to parlay that experience into a money making endeavor to make America great again.

As widely reported, after the president was advised of reports of a North Korean ballistic missile test, Mar-a-Lago patrons watched as Trump and Japanese prime minister Shinzo Abe remained at their dinner table and discussed their response to North Korea. While waiters came and went — and while one club member snapped photos — the two leaders reviewed documents by the light of an aide’s cellphone.

Since only club members and their guests are allowed in the Mar-a-Lago dining room, and dues for that privilege cost $200,000 per year, Trump has determined that charging admission to other formerly secured presidential meetings could generate millions of dollars of revenue. Most of that revenue (less sales commissions) would be turned over to the U.S. Treasury, thereby helping to make America great again.

According to White House sources, the first events for which admission will be charged will be National Security Council meetings, which, going forward, will be held at Madison Square Garden in New York.

Firm ticket prices have not yet been set, but it is understood that the best seats, to be known as the Trump Platinum Level, will be priced at $20,000 while seats in the “400-level (blue) Second Balcony” will sell for as little as $100.

While most of the proceeds will go to the Treasury, it is understood that tickets will be brokered by a newly formed ticket agency, Make America Great Again Events (www.makeamericagreatagainevents.com) which will take a 25% commission on all ticket sales and be run by Trump’s other daughter Tiffany.

Tiffany, who to this point has not participated in any of the Trump family businesses and has been looking for something to do to take advantage of her father’s position, is rumored to have gotten the job after suggesting to Mr. Trump that photo booths be set up during the National Security Council events (i.e., meetings) offering ticket holders the opportunity to have pictures taken with the man holding the “nuclear football,” the contents of which are to be used by the president to authorize a nuclear attack. While there is only one real nuclear football, Tiffany apparently clinched the job when she recommended to her father that he authorize as many as 20 aides carrying additional fake footballs in order to maximize revenue from the photo ops. It is not confirmed, since they will be fake, whether the other footballs will be made in China.



Saturday, February 18, 2017

Christie's obsequiousness may lead to new starring gig


Satire from Ted Block

AROUND THE BLOCK

News with a Twist


Renewed interest in having Chris Christie star on Broadway

Show in development – “Manservant of La Mancha”



After reading a Washington Post report that characterized New Jersey governor Chris Christie as Donald Trump’s “manservant,” legendary Broadway producer and casting director Mortie Teitelbaum has revived his mission to cast Mr. Christie in a Broadway musical.

As reported last March in “Around the Block,” after seeing Mr. Christie on the campaign trail subjugating himself to Mr. Trump, Mr. Teitelbaum wanted to cast him for the role of Sancho Panza in an upcoming revival of Man of La Mancha. Panza, of course, was one of literature’s foremost second bananas.    http://tedblocksblog.blogspot.com/2016/03/christie-support-of-trump-derided-but.html

At the time Mr. Teitelbaum said, Seeing Governor Christie up there made me think, who better to play the consummate Broadway sidekick with a belly than a real-life sidekick with a belly…Chris Christie.”

While that revival fell through, Teitelbaum decided to take another run at Christie after hearing the latest news about the Trump/Christie relationship, where Trump tells Christie to do something, anything, and Christie does it – even, as the photo accompanying this article suggests, emulate Trump's hair style.

But rather than revive “Man of La Mancha,” Teitelbaum has commissioned a brand new musical, “Manservant of La Mancha” which will put the Christie character in the lead role.

“Chris Christie will stoop at nothing to curry Trump’s favor,” said Teitelbaum. “He’s a natural sycophant, better even than that gonif Pence. Build a show around this guy and it will run forever.”

While other details about “Manservant of La Mancha” are sketchy, Teitelbaum did indicate that the big, show-stopping song will be called The Improbable Team.