Monday, May 15, 2017

"Prime the Pump" only one of many Trump idiomatic inventions


Satire from Ted Block

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Furor erupts over Trump alleged invention of “prime the pump”


Doubling down, Trump orders Spicer to distribute statement with many more Trump invented expressions




In a recent interview with the Economist magazine, President Trump vowed to pursue tax cuts even if they increase deficits, because “we have to prime the pump” — an expression he claimed to have invented. “I came up with it a couple of days ago and I thought it was good.”

The ensuing furor over his contention that he invented the phrase “prime the pump” took over several news cycles as pundits and average citizens alike derisively pointed out that the expression was first used in the late 1800s to explain the idea for pouring liquid into a pump to make it work, and more recently in the 1930s, in an economic sense, to signify government efforts to stimulate the economy – the context of the expression for which Trump said he invented.

Trump, not a person known to take derision easily, doubled down on his alleged idiomatic invention by ordering White House press spokesman Sean Spicer to distribute a statement, written by the President, which defends his “prime the pump” contention but also uses many other idiomatic expressions which he claims to have invented.

As Spicer handed out the statement, he informed the press corps that any expression printed in italics was one “invented by the president.”

Following is Trump’s statement:

“I understand the crooked media, particularly MSNBC, CNN and “Stupid” Paul Krugman of the New York Times are making hay over my saying that I invented the expression prime the pump. I’m not going to beat around the bush. But I am going to rain on their parade. Look, it’s not rocket science. When I say I did something, the crooked media is just going to have to bite the bullet, get their act together and call it a day.

To make a long story short, I’m not going to let them off the hook. And while I have been saving this for a rainy day, I am going to spill the beans right now – when it comes to the presidency, I am the best thing since sliced bread. This administration is cooking with gas and we’re going for the whole nine yards. But we will not bite off more than we can chew or do anything that costs an arm and a leg, unless it benefits rich people like me because, after all, birds of a feather stick together.

And to “Stupid” Paul Krugman in particular, I say this – when it comes to criticizing Donald J. Trump, you’re barking up the wrong tree. I wouldn’t give a penny for your thoughts. My advice to you: don’t quit your day job.


Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Comey out; Spicer says Jared to recommend Tiffany as next FBI director


Satire from Ted Block

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After Comey firing, search is on for new FBI director


Jared Kushner to head search; Tiffany Trump id’d as #1 candidate



Within hours of Donald Trump’s firing of FBI director James Comey, White House officials confirmed that a search for his successor is already underway.

Sources indicate that the president has chosen his son-in-law, Jared Kushner, to head the search. Kushner, who already has a full plate of responsibilities including Mid-East peace envoy, special envoy to Iraq, head of the White House Office of American Innovation, solving America’s opioid epidemic, reforming the VA, reforming the criminal justice system and the primary point of contact for presidents, ministers and ambassadors from more than two dozen countries including, importantly, Mexico and China, already has a number one candidate in mind.

White House spokesman Sean Spicer, in a press briefing, said that the President has spoken to Kushner about whom he favors for the job.

“The president made it very clear to Jared that he would like his other daughter, Tiffany, to be the next FBI director,” Spicer told the press corps.

Questioned by NBC’s Hallie Jackson about Tiffany’s qualifications for the job, Spicer replied, “President Trump believes that she is incredibly qualified and will be the best FBI director ever. Isn't that enough? Look, Tiffany wants to be a lawyer and is about to enter Georgetown University law school. Eric went to Georgetown and look how great he is. And not only that, the job of FBI director fulfills one of Georgetown's pre-entry requirements -- to have a lawyerly internship. Also, but maybe most important, it allows the president to finally find her a job in the administration."

Thursday, May 4, 2017

Trump going overseas to unite the world -- reaction mixed


Satire from Ted Block

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Trump’s 1st overseas trip: Saudi Arabia, Israel and the Pope in Rome – as well as G7 in Sicily and NATO in Brussels


Hopes to also meet Don Corleone in Sicily; will decide later if NATO is “not obsolete anymore”



The Washington Post reported today that President Trump, on his first trip abroad, will travel later this month to Saudi Arabia, Israel and Rome, in that order, in an effort to unite three of the world’s leading religious faiths in the common cause of fighting terrorism, reining in Iran, and “unifying the world against intolerance.”

The trip, during which officials said Trump would meet with Pope Francis, will be followed by Trump’s attendance at the G7 conference of world economic powers, held in Sicily, and a meeting of NATO leaders in Brussels.

Commenting on the trip, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters that the president is particularly thrilled about the G7 conference in Sicily where he hopes to not only lecture the G7 delegates on business and economics but also bring each delegate a signed copy of his “best-selling” book, The Art of the Deal.

According to Spicer, the president “can’t imagine” the conference will take up a lot of time – “after all, how much time do they need for me to tell them how to fix all the world’s economic problems,” Spicer reported the president said – so he’s also scheduled a visit with Don Vito Corleone to discuss the environmental impact of modern garbage management techniques as well as the health benefits of olive oil.

Regarding the NATO visit to Brussels, Spicer indicated that the president is not sure yet whether he will tell NATO members whether the alliance is obsolete or not. “Quite frankly, the president’s opinion on NATO really depends on whom he talked to last. Remember, he said that NATO was ‘not obsolete anymore’ after speaking to the NATO secretary-general. There’s quite a bit of time and a lot of people to talk to before the trip, so everything is on the table,” Spicer said.

Reaction to the president’s trip to Saudi Arabia, Israel and Rome was quick.

A spokesman for Israeli prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu said, “Israel is thrilled that our good friend and ally, President Donald Trump, has chosen Israel to be part of his first overseas trip but we have asked the president to change his itinerary and visit Israel first, not Saudi Arabia.”

For their part, the Saudis, aware of the Israeli request for an itinerary change, were honored to be “the first country President Trump will visit” and indicated that any change in the itinerary order that puts Israel first will “seriously affect our presence at any bargaining table.”

A Vatican spokesman, speaking about Trump's rather contentious relation with the Pope  Trump accused the Pope of being "manipulated" by the Mexican government, while the Pope has said Trump is "not Christian" – said, "Not even the Heavenly Father knows how this meeting will turn out."


Tuesday, May 2, 2017

Trump: Jackson would have stopped Civil War; I would have stopped WWII


Satire from Ted Block

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Trump claims Andrew Jackson could have stopped Civil War – “Could have been worked out”


Separately, would be honored to meet “smart cookie” Kim Jung-Un

President Trump in March, saluting the grave of President Andrew Jackson in Nashville.Credit

On Monday, President Trump’s bromance with Andrew Jackson reached new heights when he declared, during an interview on Sirius XM’s P.O.T.U.S. channel:

"I mean, had Andrew Jackson been a little bit later you wouldn't have had the Civil War. He was a very tough person, but he had a big heart. He was really angry that he saw what was happening with regard to the Civil War."

Trump made the statement despite the fact that Jackson died in 1845, 16 years before the start of the Civil War  which he later acknowledged in a tweet after White House aides, in an attempt to lull him to sleep, read him a passage from Jon Meacham’s biography of Jackson.



Not only did Trump believe that Jackson could have stopped the Civil War, he went on to wonder why the Civil War occurred in the first place. “There’s no reason for this (the Civil War). People don’t realize, you know, the Civil War, if you think about it, why? People don’t ask that question, but why was there a Civil War? Why could that one not have been worked out?”

Clarifying Trump’s questioning of the reasons for the Civil War, White House spokesman Sean Spicer said, “President Trump was out caring for his heel spurs the morning the Civil War was discussed at his boarding school, the New York Military Academy, so he asked Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos for an explanation.”

Lost in the Civil War/Andrew Jackson coverage however, Trump made one other major announcement, which he characterized as "breaking news," when he said, regarding North Korea’s leader, Kim Jong-Un, “He’s a smart cookie,” and would be “honored” to meet him.

Picking up on the if/when theme he used with Andrew Jackson and the Civil War, Trump went on to say, “If I had been around a little earlier you wouldn’t have had World War II. There’s no reason for World War II. People don’t realize, you know, World War II, if you think about it, why? People don’t ask that question, but why was there a World War II? Why could that one not have been worked out? I would have worked it out. After all, Hitler was a smart cookie and I would have been honored to meet him and work out a deal. After all, who makes a better deal than me?”