Satire from Ted Block
AROUND THE BLOCK
News
with a Twist
For-profit
university head tapped to oversee fraud by higher-education institutions
Appointee engaged in
abuses agency is tasked to eliminate; more picks of this kind to come
The move provoked complaints from critics who pointed out that DeVry recently settled several claims brought against it by regulators alleging it had engaged in some of the very abuses the unit is charged with eliminating.
The appointment led Senator Chris Murphy (D-CT) to tweet, This is a joke, right? Basically akin to nominating influenza to be the Surgeon General.”
Responding to Murphy’s tweet, White House counselor Kellyanne Conway said, “I’m not sure what the senator is complaining about. Who better to watch over illegal activities than a perpetrator of those illegal activities.”
Further to Conway’s comments, Around the Block has learned exclusively that the Trump administration has a number of other “fox in the hen house” appointments in the works.
Specifically, White House sources have indicated that the following high-level picks will be announced in the next few weeks:
Bernie Madoff will simultaneously be pardoned by President Trump and named chairman of the Securities and Exchange Commission, the agency which holds primary responsibility for enforcing the federal securities laws, proposing securities rules, and regulating the securities industry.
Charles Ponzi IV, great-great grandson of Charles Ponzi, inventor of the infamous “Ponzi Scheme,” (see, Madoff, B.) will be named director of the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau (CFPB), the agency responsible for consumer protection in the financial sector.
David Duke, former grand wizard of the Ku Klux Klan, will be named chairman of the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, the agency responsible for investigating discrimination complaints based on, among other criteria, an individual's race, national origin, religion, sex, and gender identity.
And in a surprise move, Samuel Clovis’ recent nomination as Under Secretary of Agriculture in charge of the U.S. Department of Agriculture's research, education, and economic analysis programs, will be withdrawn and, instead, Clovis will be named Assistant Secretary of State for Intelligence and Research. Clovis has described climate research as "junk science,” told Iowa Public Radio that he is “skeptical about climate change,” has written that progressives were "liars, race traders and race 'traitors,” and has said that “homosexual behavior is a choice and that the sanctioning of same-sex marriage could lead to the legalization of pedophilia.”
Clovis, pictured below, is also the author of the self-improvement guide, “Sam Clovis’ Guide to a Happier Life Through Diet and Exercise.”
