Kelly: "Adult in the room or Mini-me"

Satire from Ted Block

AROUND THE BLOCK

News with a Twist

John Kelly Pins Civil War on ‘Lack of Ability to Compromise’

Huckabee Sanders defends Kelly’s remarks: ‘He’s 4-star general’

In an appearance on Fox News program “The Ingraham Angle” Monday night, John Kelly, the White House chief of staff, resurrected the debate over Confederate monuments — previously fueled by his boss, President Trump, over the summer — and the Confederacy itself. 

He called Robert E. Lee “an honorable man who gave up his country to fight for his state,” said that “men and women of good faith on both sides made their stand where their conscience had them make their stand,” and argued that “the lack of an ability to compromise led to the Civil War.”

John Kelly is often described as the “adult in the room” in a disorganized, contentious White House and as the person who can “control Donald Trump’s impetuous ‘Twitter finger.’”

Instead, Kelly is he looking more and more like a Trump “mini-me?”

White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders immediately defended Kelly’s statements.

When asked by a reporter whether giving up your country to fight for your state sounds a lot like treason and anarchy, Huckabee Sanders said, “Look, General Kelly is a four-star general, a hero, and I find it treasonable on your part to question his remarks and even suggest that he would condone treason.”

To a question regarding Kelly’s remarks about good faith and conscience when the issue was slavery, Huckabee Sanders responded, “Look, General Kelly did not address slavery in his remarks and I think it is discourteous for you to bring up an issue General Kelly, a four-star general, didn’t even address.”

Regarding Kelly’s comments about his contention that an inability to compromise led to the Civil War, Huckabee Sanders was asked to comment on the many compromises that were made in the years leading up to the Civil War, including the Missouri Compromise (1820), the Compromise of 1850, the Kansas-Nebraska Act (1854) not to mention the Three-Fifths Compromise, which counted slaves as three-fifths of a person for the purposes of congressional districting.

“Look, as you all know those were all old compromises. Where was the compromise of 1861? It was six-years since that last compromise and, quite frankly, that one wasn't even labeled a compromise. I mean, why didn’t they call the Kansas-Missouri thingee a compromise so people like me and General Kelly, a four-star general, would understand that it was a compromise. Kind of sloppy, don’t you think? So for many of us, including General Kelly, the last compromise was in 1850. I think you’d agree that’s a long time between compromises.”

In ending her remarks on the issue Huckabee Sanders said, “Look, General Kelly agrees with the President who said, if you remember, ‘Why was there the Civil War? Why could that one not have been worked out?’

Adult in the room, indeed!

Clintons/Trump -- Sleaze and Sleazier

Satire from Ted Block

AROUND THE BLOCK

News with a Twist

Farrelly Bros. “Dumb and Dumber” sequel: “Sleaze and Sleazier”

New film to focus on Clintons and Trump and the “Trump-Russian Dossier”

In a surprise announcement, the Farrelly brothers, Bobby and Peter, best known for their blockbuster 1994 film, Dumb and Dumber, will soon begin shooting a new film Sleaze and Sleazier.

According to Bobby Farrelly, “The idea came to us this morning after we heard the news that the Clintons and the DNC partially funded the research into the Trump-Russian Dossier."

Peter Farrelly went on to say “When we heard Trump’s comments regarding that revelation we decided we had to make the film."

Trump told reporters on Wednesday that the campaign and the DNC's involvement with the dossier was a "very sad commentary on politics in this country. Hillary Clinton always denied it. The Democrats always denied it, and now, only because it is going to come out in a court case, they said yes they did it. They admitted it and they are embarrassed by it,” going on to say, ‘I think it is a disgrace.”

According to Bobby Farrelly, “for Trump to think something is a ‘disgrace’ is pretty incredible. I mean, who is more disgraceful than Donald Trump? And since the Trumps and the Clintons epitomize political sleaze, why not do a film about it.”

While casting has not been announced, the Farrelly brothers intimated that many of the usual subjects would be cast, including Alec Baldwin as Donald Trump, Darrell Hammond as Bill Clinton, Kate McKinnon as Hillary Clinton, Laura Benanti as Melania Trump, Larry David as Bernie Sanders and Melissa McCarty as Sean Spicer.

And in an incredible casting coup, according to Peter Farrelly, Edie Falco has signed on to play the role of Debbie Wasserman Schultz, chair of the DNC during the election campaign “as long as she can bring the wig she wore in Law and Order True Crime -- The Menendez Murders.”

Trump philosophy for agency oversight - put the foxes in the hen houses!

Satire from Ted Block

AROUND THE BLOCK

News with a Twist

For-profit university head tapped to oversee fraud by higher-education institutions

Appointee engaged in abuses agency is tasked to eliminate; more picks of this kind to come

The Trump administration has tapped Julian Schmoke, a former DeVry University administrator, to lead the Education Department’s student-aid enforcement unit. Schmoke, will be in charge of addressing allegations of illegal activities such as fraud by higher-education institutions.

The move provoked complaints from critics who pointed out that DeVry recently settled several claims brought against it by regulators alleging it had engaged in some of the very abuses the unit is charged with eliminating.

The appointment led Senator Chris Murphy (D-CT) to tweet, This is a joke, right? Basically akin to nominating influenza to be the Surgeon General.”

Responding to Murphy’s tweet, White House counselor Kellyanne Conway said, “I’m not sure what the senator is complaining about. Who better to watch over illegal activities than a perpetrator of those illegal activities.”

Further to Conway’s comments, Around the Block has learned exclusively that the Trump administration has a number of  other “fox in the hen house” appointments in the works.

Specifically, White House sources have indicated that the following high-level picks will be announced in the next few weeks:

Bernie Madoff will simultaneously be pardoned by President Trump and named chairman of the Securities and Exchange Commission, the agency which holds primary responsibility for enforcing the federal securities laws, proposing securities rules, and regulating the securities industry.

Charles Ponzi IV, great-great grandson of Charles Ponzi, inventor of the infamous “Ponzi Scheme,” (see, Madoff, B.) will be named director of the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau (CFPB), the agency responsible for consumer protection in the financial sector.

David Duke, former grand wizard of the Ku Klux Klan, will be named chairman of the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, the agency responsible for investigating discrimination complaints based on, among other criteria, an individual's race, national origin, religion, sex, and gender identity.

And in a surprise move, Samuel Clovis’ recent nomination as Under Secretary of Agriculture in charge of the U.S. Department of Agriculture's research, education, and economic analysis programs, will be withdrawn and, instead, Clovis will be named Assistant Secretary of State for Intelligence and Research. Clovis has described climate research as "junk science,” told Iowa Public Radio that he is “skeptical about climate change,” has written that progressives were "liars, race traders and race 'traitors,” and has said that “homosexual behavior is a choice and that the sanctioning of same-sex marriage could lead to the legalization of pedophilia.”

Clovis, pictured below, is also the author of the self-improvement guide, “Sam Clovis’ Guide to a Happier Life Through Diet and Exercise.”

Contacted by Around the Block, Senator Murphy commented, "C'mon, this really is a joke, right? I mean you call this thing "News with a Twist." 

Trump support erosion, Kellyanne's cost, coal to the rescue!

Satire from Ted Block

AROUND THE BLOCK

News with a Twist

Trump annoyed about fake reports of his eroding support

Kellyanne’s TV appearance on the issue is her first in two months; begs the question: How much does she cost taxpayers?

The Washington Post reported today that President Trump is clearly rankled by the notion that his political support is slipping, pushing back against the idea during a barrage of tweets Monday from his Bedminster, N.J., golf club, where aides said he is having a “working vacation.

Despite this, one of Trump’s most trusted advisors, Kellyanne Conway, acknowledged the erosion in an interview Sunday on ABC’s “This Week.”

But who cares what she says. More important is how often she says things and at what cost to the American taxpayer.

Conway’s appearance on “This Week” was her first appearance on TV since a disastrous interview in June on CNN. This is incredible, as Conway was the face and voice of the Trump campaign and in the early months of the administration, appearing on TV more often than “Seinfeld” reruns.

More incredible is what Conway’s lack of activity is actually costing America.

Conway’s annual salary as a senior White House advisor is $179,700 or $14,975 a month. With two appearances in two months, Conway is taking in almost $15,000 per appearance!

When questioned by “Around the Block” about what her lack of visibility is costing the U.S. taxpayer, Conway immediately and typically pushed back.

“You’ve got it all wrong; I’ve been around the whole time on a special assignment – on the road trying to find solutions to opioid abuse,” Conway said.

When “Around the Block” questioned her about that assignment, given that the president had specifically made the opioid abuse problem one of Jared Kushner’s eight high-level jobs, Conway was quick with an answer, telling us, “You’re right. Frankly, I’ve been temporarily filling in for Jared while he was meeting with the Russians. But now, because of the Mueller witch hunt, that might be over, so he’s back finding solutions to the opioid abuse problem.”

And as for Conway?

“Now that the president has increased coal supplies by mandating coal mining on public lands, I’ll be spreading the word to those Americans who are suffering from the shedding of dead skin cells from the scalp, the country’s other devastating epidemic, that the cost of coal tar therapeutic shampoo is coming down. Now tell me that’s not worth $179,700 a year!”