Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Trump: Hillary Got Schlonged



AROUND THE BLOCK
News with a Twist

Trump Says Hillary Got Schlonged

Vows to Use Yiddish Word in Every Future Appearance


In a campaign stop in Grand Rapids, Donald J. Trump used a well-known Yiddish term to characterize Hillary Clinton’s loss to Barak Obama in the 2008 Democratic primary claiming, "She was favored to win, and she got schlonged". The Clinton campaign immediately responded by demanding that Trump offer an apology. Clinton spokesperson, Lyle Littlechurch said that Mrs. Clinton was appalled by Mr. Trump’s characterization of her loss in 2008 and in particular Trump’s use of the word “schlong” which, in conventional usage is the Yiddish word for penis saying, “it’s particularly galling that Trump would use the word “schlong” in this context when everyone knows former President Bill Clinton had nothing whatsoever to do with her loss”.

Rather than apologize, Trump doubled down by referencing Hillary’s prolonged use of the restroom at the last Democratic debate as "too disgusting" to talk about saying, “look, I don’t know if she was pishn or kakn but all I can say is that it was disgusting. It was disgusting.”

The coverage of “Schlongedgate” has received massive airtime during the current news cycle, so much so that one network, MSNBC, said that it was airing the 1972 documentary “Yiddishisms in American Presidential Politics” tonight at 7:00 pm Eastern time (MSNBC said that it would not air the documentary in the Pacific time zone since “no one out there would understand it”).

Trump has been so thrilled by Schlongedgate that the campaign announced earlier today that it has hired the world famous Yiddish linguist Dr. Chaim Pippick to advise the campaign on Yiddishims going forward. Promising that he would use Yiddish wherever and whenever possible, Trump’s campaign spokesperson, Yvonne Yankelovich said that Dr. Pippick has already supplied Mr. Trump with a list of the most beloved Yiddish words and epithets, including schlemiel, schlemazzle, schmeggegge, schlub, schlock, schlep, schmutz, and schnook.

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