Maine governor will enter Foot in Mouth Clinic to have lips sealed shut, key thrown away

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Maine Governor LePage will not resign over outrageous statements

Instead vows to “never speak again”

Gov. Paul R. LePage, the embattled Republican governor of Maine, declared Wednesday that he would not step down, despite widespread criticism over a profane threat and generalizations about drugs and race that had prompted him to hint on Tuesday that he might abort his second term.

It was after Mr. LePage’s comments about drugs and race earlier this year and his claims at the time that he was suffering from a “slip of the tongue,” that caused him to check into the Bush Family Slip of the Tongue Rehab Institute in Kennebunkport where he received extensive slip of the tongue therapy.

Based on his comments this week, it is clear that the slip of the tongue therapy did not work.

Despite this, Mr. LePage’s spokesperson, Moose Muhlenberg, said that the governor would not submit to the institute’s recommended next and final step which entails applying anti-slip tongue balm to the tongue every hour for the rest of his life. Rather, Mr. Muhlenberg announced that while the governor will not resign, he has vowed “never to speak ever again after today.”

In that regard, Muhlenberg confirmed that Governor LePage will be entering the Senator George Allen Macaca Memorial Clinic for Foot in Mouth disease where his lips will be locked shut and the key thrown away.