Around the Block speculates on how we'd vote in NY if we could

AROUND THE BLOCK

News with a Twist

As the NY primary approaches, we're asked "Who are you rooting for?"

Can't vote in NY but can opine

I was asked by a good friend in New York, "Who are you rooting for....home grown son or adopted super woman?"   

I responded that it's too bad I can’t vote in New York as I’m really torn this year. And it's a bummer that it’s not an open primary given all the great candidates.

But, I said, if I could vote and if it was an open primary, here’s what I think:

Republican 

I was completely undecided and then I watched Ted Cruz at the matzo factory and thought, “Gee, he really seems to be connecting with those Jews. Maybe I should give him a chance, despite his put down of you New York folks and your ’New York values.'” Of course, I changed my mind when, before he left, he thanked the matzo guys for having him AND his lord and savior, Jesus Christ, for allowing him to visit these fine folks in Brooklyn. I thought I heard him mumble something about "do they really use the blood of Christ when making these crackers” while he was leaving but I can’t be sure. So, no Ted Cruz for me.

And then I thought I’d give John Kasich a shot as I watched him eat his way through Arthur Avenue in the Bronx. Now I love Arthur Avenue and I love Italian food but it was clear that Kasich had no idea of the size of NY portions. At the end of the visit he was shvitzing so badly I thought he was having a heart attack. But since he didn’t appear to eat pizza with a knife and fork, I thought OK, he might not be too bad. As long as you don’t count his anti-abortion stance that has made it harder to get an abortion in Ohio than in Texas! But of course it was the Jewish thing once again that turned me off, particularly when he was condescendingly teaching yeshiva buchers the Torah. Can’t vote for a guy who’s a tone deaf, arrogant panderer.

And then there is Donald J. Trump. I’m really enamored of his policy positions, particularly how detailed and nuanced they are. I’m particularly encouraged by his desire to have Japan and South Korea go nuclear; high time in my view. And I love the idea of building the wall on the southern border, deporting illegal immigrants, and stopping all Muslims from entering the country. What fun! And won’t it be great when he has us stop importing any oil from Saudi Arabia, as we watch that country collapse and have ISIS take over. Not saying it couldn’t happen to a better group of sheiks, but… And talking about ISIS, his plan to defeat them really only needs a few “fill in the blanks” to make it an absolute certainty. If he’s really smart, when he’s president he should name Cruz as his SECDEF so the two of them can "carpet bomb ISIS into oblivion” and see if “sand can glow in the dark." The only saving grace with Trump is that if he wins the nomination, he can’t beat either Hillary or Bernie and if he doesn’t win he’ll be such a sore loser that he’ll completely sabotage the convention and maybe even run as a third-party candidate. From my lips to God’s ears (oh, there’s that Jewish thing again).

Democrat

OK, even in an open primary, I’d still vote Democratic, so let’s drill down a bit.

I love the fact that Bernie Sanders is from Brooklyn. I’m from Brooklyn, And Bernie, unlike me, never lost his accent, which makes him even more appealing. I think it’s about time someone from Brooklyn was president. And the Jewish thing is just icing on the babka. I mean talk about glass ceilings. This is historic. Can you imagine following up the first 1/2 Black, 1/2 Kenyan president with a Jewish, Brooklyn-born, Vermont socialist? I’m thinking maybe Susan Sarandon is right; it’s time for someone like Bernie the Red Menace. Women can wait!  But then I begin thinking about his ideas. Not doable. Never gonna happen. It’s not without reason that in one of my Around The Block columns I suggested that the producers of a Man of la Mancha revival were hoping that Bernie would drop out of the race since they thought him the ideal person to play the Don Quixote (that, of course, would team him with my dream cast, including Chris Christie as Sancho Panza for both his physical attributes and, since his endorsement of Donald Trump, his sycophantism). And talk about thin skin. Despite his avuncular outwardness, he’s a mean-spirited old man (yes, since I’m only 69 and he’s 74, I can call him an old man). To call Hillary Clinton, unqualified to be president, Hillary Clinton, the most qualified person to run for president since, let’s see, George Washington, is shameful. Since the bulk of his “not qualified” rationale was because she accepts campaign contributions, based on his criteria, the only qualified candidates would be Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders. BTW, do you think those statements will be used by the Republicans in the fall if Hillary is the nominee? Just saying. He’s a non-starter in my book.

Which brings me to Hillary Clinton. There’s no question she’s the smartest, most qualified, most experienced person in the race. If it just wasn’t for the Clinton hubris. If it wasn’t for the unforced errors. If it wasn’t for the lame excuses for the unforced errors (how about: she set up her own private server for state department business because it was too cumbersome to have to carry two Blackberries). Not to mention her inability to control Bill (please, put him in a room with some hot women to keep him busy until the second week in November so she can get on with the campaign unencumbered). And did I mention the fact that she might be indicted before the election? Now I know you’re innocent until proven guilty…but don’t you think it would have some effect on her electability? Whatever!

So, to answer your question - I’m rooting for Hillary. She’ll make a great president and unlike Trump, might have a chance, if her victory can put the senate back in Democratic hands, to really make America great again.

But as I wrote after reading Charles M. Blow in the Times, it makes one wonder, is this the best we can do? Or, in the words of the great Peggy Lee song: 

Is that all there is?

Is that all there is?

If that's all there is my friends

Then let's keep dancing

Let's break out the booze and have a ball

If that's all there is