Putin claims US meddling; Trump agrees - demands special prosecutor to investigate

Satire from Ted Block

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Russia election: Putin cruises to re-election with 75% of vote

Claims US interference kept him from getting his customary 99%

Vladimir Putin cruised to victory Sunday for another six-year presidential term after an election that was long on spectacle and short on suspense.

With about two thirds of the ballots counted, more than 75 percent were for Putin, according to the Central Election Commission. The runner up was Communist Party candidate Pavel Grudinin with 12.7 percent.

But Putin was not satisfied, lashing out at the US for interfering with the vote in a post-election statement.

“We have documented proof that bad actors in the US, funded by Hillary Clinton, hacked into our emails, manipulated millions of Vkontakte personal accounts (note: Vkontakte is Russia’s Facebook), and breeched many thousands of our voting machines. This American meddling clearly impacted the results, depressing my vote. We demand the US find and prosecute these meddlers to the fullest extent of the law.”

US president Donald Trump responded immediately to the events in Russia and Putin’s demand tweeting, "Crooked Hillary does it again. Collusion with anti-Putin forces in Russia bad, very bad. Zero tolerance for any US meddling in Russian elections. Have directed AG Sessions to appoint special counsel to investigate. #LOCK HER UP!"

Security advisor choice -- guy with mustache or guy who's fun?

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Reports: McMaster to be replaced as national security advisor – too rigid and boring

Replacements? John Bolton might have 'mustache problem'; Gen'l Kellogg "is fun" 
 

The Washington Post reported today that President Trump has decided to remove H.R. McMaster as his national security adviser and is actively discussing potential replacements, according to five people with knowledge of the plans. 

Trump recently told White House Chief of Staff John F. Kelly that he wants McMaster out according to two people familiar with their conversations. The president has complained that McMaster is too rigid and that his briefings go on too long.

Among the candidates emerging as possible McMaster replacements are John Bolton, a former U.S. ambassador to the United Nations, and Keith Kellogg, the chief of staff of the National Security Council.

John Bolton

Keith Kellogg

Of the two, sources tell Around the Block that Kellogg, who travels on many domestic trips with the president, is currently the favorite because the president likes his company and thinks he is fun. 

“I like Keith, he makes me laugh which is what I need for a national security advisor. That McMaster, what a bore. And boy, he just talks and talks…I just tune him out. Keith would be so much more fun,” Trump confided to one of his friends a Mar-a-Lago last week.

One potential factor going against Kellogg is that he was a 3-star general and, sources tell us, "Trump never got over the fact that McMaster was only a 3-star general and he really likes to deal only with 4-star generals. Maybe Keith's fun factor will be enough to overcome his low rank."  

Bolton, a former UN ambassador has met with Trump several times and often agrees with the president’s instincts. He also is good on television and regularly praises the president on Fox News Channel. But in the president’s eyes, despite his experience and his sycophantism, Bolton has one major liability: his mustache.

“I hate that mustache,” Trump told the friend. “Every time I look at him on TV I think I’m watching Wilfred Brimley pitch oatmeal and diabetes. I hate oatmeal and he can’t even pronounce diabetes. Diabetis…I mean what’s that?”

Wilfred Brimley

But while the mustache is a ‘sensitive subject,’ sources indicate that Bolton is still in the running and if he were picked, Trump would not require him to shave his mustache as long as he never utters the words oatmeal or diabetis. 

Kudlow picked as economic advisor; may revive Kudlow & Cramer for WHTV

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TV financial analyst Kudlow picked as chief economic advisor

  

Trump talked out of first choice, Jim “Mad Money” Cramer

 

Conservative commentator Larry Kudlow on Wednesday accepted an offer from President Trump to head the White House’s National Economic Council, the latest in a rapid series of firings and personnel changes that have roiled the administration.

The choice of Kudlow — a longtime TV analyst and generational peer — illustrates how Trump is increasingly looking to stack his inner circle with longtime loyalists after more than a year of frustration with aides and Cabinet officials who sought to temper his extemporaneous and combative style.

People close to the situation say Trump’s first choice for the position was Jim Cramer, the rolled-up sleeved, loud-mouthed, crazy stock picker and host of CNBC’s ‘Mad Money’ show. “He’s like an economic reality show star -- I love his energy,” Trump told friends. 

According to insiders, several people close to the president told him that with all the West Wing turmoil Cramer’s uncontrollable volatility might become a problem down the road and that Kudlow, who not only defended Trump's plans to build a wall along the border with Mexico and to prevent Muslims from entering the United States, but also opposes estate taxes, inheritance taxes and taxes on dividends and capital gains (all positions near and dear to the president and his family), might be a safer choice.

Our sources indicate that before settling on Kudlow, Trump gave the Cramer idea one last shot. "Why not hire them both? Didn't they have a show called Kudlow & Cramer? They were great together, really good TV. We could use more of that in the White House, maybe start WHTV," the president said, according to people with knowledge of his thinking.

When contacted following his appointment, Kudlow said, "If the president wants me to team up with Jim again, I'd be happy to. You have to know, I see my role in this position as listening to the president and then doing whatever he wants...no pushback, no questions asked. I'm sure that's why he picked me."

Tillerson parting shot: doubles down on Trump moron comment

Satire from Ted Block

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Trump fires Tillerson

SecState learns of demise via Twitter after taking a sick day

President Donald Trump fired Secretary of State Rex Tillerson on Tuesday, nominating CIA director Mike Pompeo to replace him.

The firing was communicated by a presidential tweet and, apparently, took Tillerson, who was returning from an overseas trip, by surprise.

Trump told reporters that he fired Tillerson after the secretary took a sick day on his trip to Africa.

“I can’t have my people taking days off whenever they want. While I like Rex personally, he was never one of my best people. He took his sick day without asking – didn’t even get a note from his doctor, nothing.  Not good, not good.”

Sources with knowledge of the situation say that upon his arrival in Washington, Tillerson immediately consulted with lawyers to determine if he could sue the president for wrongful termination asking, “He can fire me just because I took a sick day?” 

After hearing that because he was an ‘at will’ employee, the answer was yes, he could be fired for taking a sick day, with or without a note, the now former secretary immediately fired off his parting tweet as secretary of state.